- Disclaimer - Following is a roleplay written by the guy they call Kyle, and the same goes for the layout. If you should choose to read the following roleplay, beware that you may find extreme language, adult situations, crude humor, or anything you would find in your regular 'R' Rated Film. If you feel you can handle such themes, then please, by my guest and enjoy the roleplay, which is not associated with any wrestling organization. This roleplay is only made for fun and entertainment purposes.

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THE HEIST!

First & Current nEw Tag Team Champions; 7 - Time WWF Tag Team Champions

1-0-0

Rob Van Dam

- Next Match -

- Co-Main Event -
Christian vs. Rob Van Dam

Totally Bringing The Era of Awesomeness to New Era Wrestling!

.:.:[ The scene opens in a bank in midtown Chicago, Illinois. Here, there's a long line in the lobby of people waiting to make their finance transactions. Among these people, are, you guessed it, Edge and Christian. Edge and Christian are the very last people in this long line of about twenty people, wearing their usual casual clothing, along with sunglasses. Oh, and they are wearing their NEW Tag Team Titles across their shoulders. The duo is simply carrying out a conversation with one another. Christian starts it off, as usual...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, these totally reeks of stanktitude! I mean, are we not the 7-Time WWF Tag Team Champions, the most fightingest tag team champions in the history of the business, and most importantly, the first and current NEW Tag Team Champions of the world?! We should so NOT have to wait in line due to the fact that we're totally more important than these reeking citizens of Chi-CRAP-o, and more importantly, we're totally BETTER than these reekazoids!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Christian, I'm in total agreement with everything you said, except, you totally forgot that we so totally reek of awesomeness!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. No I didn't, Edge-ster. That totally goes without saying since we're totally the NEW Tag Team Champions! [ Christian pats his championship belt. ] 

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian! But you do know that as a champion, the spotlight is totally on you, Christian. Dude, on ShowTime, if you don't totally annihilate that chunktoid, Robbie Van Winkle, you will soo NOT fulfill the obligations to being a champion.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Fear not, my illustrious brother, I will soo fulfill my obligation as a champion, by totally curb stomping that reekazoid, Robbie Van Winkle. Edge, if I drop one to Captain Dense, Robbie Van Winkle, I so totally will NOT be able to live with myself! I mean, dude, we're talking about a total dorkus molorkus who spends his free time, singing songs that reek of craptitude, talking to kids about our match to convince himself he actually has a chance against me, and hanging out with women that reek of the utmost heinocity! Edge, we're talking heinocity to the likes that can soo NOT be charted!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Christian, I totally know what you mean. [ Edge shakes his head. ] I totally don't even want to think about that. Christian, that hosebeast Van Winkle was hanging with totally wasn't ugly... Dude, she wasn't even oogly. Christian, she was totally uglified to exteme magnitudes of heinosification!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. And Edge, to think, she totally implied that we had SOMETHING! Edge, as IF! This will totally hurt my status with the scorchcakes!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Implied... Dude, she flat out SAID IT!

.:.:[ Christian shivers at the thought of that fat chick Rob Van Dam hangs with.  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Christian, now that we're totally the best New Era Wrestling has to offer, you've got to understand that the chicks are totally going to dig you, soo more than they ever have before. Unfortunately, Christian, even the totally heinous chicks will totally dig you. Little bro, it just comes with the territory. But look, the scorchcakes will totally continue to dig you. I mean, come on, Christian. The chicks totally dig GOLD!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, you're soo totally right! 

.:.:[ A Small Man's Voice ]:.:. Damn, then I need some gold. [ Small laugh. ] Now, I have a big favor to ask of you guys. [ Edge and Christian look around, but can't find who's talking. ] If I go to the restroom, will you two save my spot in line?

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, where is that voice coming from?!

.:.:[ A Small Man's Voice ]:.:. Look DOWN!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Down where?

.:.:[ A Small Man's Voice ]:.:. Down here!

.:.:[ Christian and Edge lift their glasses, and look down, and to their surprise, and definitely ours, it's GARY COLEMAN! He shakes his head with his hands on his shoulders in his classic way as Edge and Christian freak out.  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, do you know who this is?!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, totally, Christian! He's only the greatest childhood TV sitcom star on the face of the PLANET! You'd have to be a total DORK not to know who Gary Coleman is!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. The star of Diff'rent Strokes, a show that totally reeked of awesomeness to a level never before reached until the debut of that show!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Christian, Diff'rent Strokes TOTALLY ROCKED!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Yeah it did!

.:.:[ And yes, Edge and Christian perfectly execute the 'Edge & Christian' insanely enthusiastic high-five. Gary simply sighs, and says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Gary Coleman ]:.:. Well guys, I'm glad you enjoyed the show, but right now, I really have to go the restroom, so if you could save my place in line for me, I'd really appreciate it. 

.:.:[ Edge frowns, and leans back just a tad, and says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Whatchootalkin' 'bout, GARY?!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, that totally kicked MAJOR ass!

.:.:[ And yes, ANOTHER Edge and Christian perfectly execute the 'Edge & Christian' insanely enthusiastic high-five. Gary sighs once again, and says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Gary Coleman ]:.:. Yeah, that was great guys, now can you ple-

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Gary, dude... Diff'rent Strokes went off the air like YEARS ago! [ Gary shrugs his shoulders as if saying 'So?' ] Well dude... You were totally a kid back then. I mean, dude, I remember that you were TOTALLY a kid! Now, it's like, three decades later, and you're like... Still a KID!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Nah. This is totally a perfect example of what happens to you when you don't eat your broccoli. 

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Totally, Edge. And the results of not eating your broccoli are totally craptacular! I mean, apparently, if you don't eat your broccoli, you totally turn into a regular 'Shorty By Nature'! And that totally lacks coolness!

.:.:[ Gary Coleman ]:.:. You know what, screw you guys, alright!

.:.:[ Edge once again frowns, and leans back just a tad, and says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Whatchootalkin' 'bout, GARY?!

.:.:[ Christian and Edge laugh, as Gary sighs and throws his hands in the air, walking away in a huff. Edge and Christian then perfectly execute another 'Edge & Christian' insanely enthusiastic high-five. Edge and Christian look back to where Gary was, and then look around for him, because they didn't realize it when he left. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, where did Gary go?

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. I so hope we totally didn't step on him, Christian!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian lift their boots and check if Gary is underneath their feet. Just as they do this, a shot from a shotgun rings through the building, sending everyone to the ground in fright. Edge and Christian look up, totally surprised to see a guy standing in the middle of the building in a long coat, with a double barrel shotgun in his hand. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Right about now, we should TOTALLY hit the deck!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian fall to the ground, as the bank robber barks out a bunch of demands. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Welcome to Chi-CRAP-o...

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, this so totally reeks of SUCKTITUDE! Why is it that every week, something totally out of the ordinary has to happen? Last week, we were stranded in Mexico. The week before that, we get totally get fondled by two switch hitting reekazoid cops. Now this!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, I mean, what's up with this?!

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. Shut the f-[ Censored ]- over there!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Uh... Us?

.:.:[ The stocky bank robber waddles over to Edge and Christian. Once he's standing before them, as they're on the ground like everyone else in the building except the person at the desk gathering the money for him, he says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. No, the Easter Bunny. Yeah, you two! Shut the f-[ Censored ]- UP! Or I'll pump your asses full of lead!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Eww... Dude, that's totally heinous!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, I totally can't believe you said you were going to pump a couple of guys' asses! Dude, that's totally UNcool!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, I mean, how are we supposed to take you seriously as a bank robber. I mean, dude, you just said you were going to pump guys' asses. Shotgun or not, you've totally lost my respect!

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. I-, I swear I didn't mean it like- Shut the f-[ Censored ]- UP!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude, is that all you can say? [ Christian shakes his head. Now, he looks at the guy as if he's just remembered something. ] I swear you remind me of someone I know...

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. He wouldn't happen to point to himself every time he says his own name like a total dweebus maximus, would he?

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude, he would!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. He wouldn't happen to spend his free time talking to totally unimportant people, like store clerks and little kids, about his matches, would he?

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude, he totally would!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Okay, and finally, he wouldn't happen to set up little corny skits with one of his totally heinous and excessively large friends in a poor attempt to insult you, would he?

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, he WOULD!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Then we're definitely talking about the Five Star BITCH, Robbie Van Winkle!

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. I remind you of, Rob Van Dam. [ The guy blushes like a little fruit. ] Well, why would you say that?

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Well, Bank Robber Dude, you're a total LOSER, who's totally trying to do something that you've never done, nor never will do, and that's WIN! Robbie Van Winkle is totally trying to do the same thing. In your totally pathetic case, you think by using that gun to rob a bank, and totally fill your pockets with a little dough, that you'll finally be a winner. Yeah, like that's totally going to happen. [ Feel the sarcasm. ] Well, Robbie Van Winkle is totally trying to defy all logic, and attempt to actually become a winner, by beating the Christianator at ShowTime. Sh-Yeah, here's a little T.A.A., don't bet on that happening! But the similarities between you two chumpstains totally don't end there! You see, both of you are totally going to fall flat on your chubby little faces, because neither of you are going to succeed at what you're trying to do. You're totally going to get caught and taken to prison, where you're totally going to learn the meaning of pumping lead into some guys' ass like you so colorfully put earlier. And, your buddy Robbie Van Winkle, The Five Star BITCH, will soo totally get curb stomped on Sunday, thanks to the Epitomizer of Awesomness, Christian!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. So basically, Bank Robber Dude, once a loser, ALWAYS a loser, and there's totally NOT anything you can do about it!

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Guy looks a little uneasy. Hurt by what Christian and Edge said. His expression quickly changes to one of anger as he says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. Both of you, shut the f-[ Censored ]- UP! You know what, get up! Get your asses UP!

.:.:[ Christian and Edge shrug their shoulders and stand before the guy... ]:.:.

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. Now, you two sure talk a lot of s-[ Censored ]-! I'm a LOSER, am I? Well, better living as a loser then dead as a winner, which is what's about to happen to you two!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Perfect! Just PERFECT! What a coincidence, Edge. I mean, I have a match on ShowTime that's just HOURS away, and this reekazoid is planning on killing us. Dude, if I didn't know any better, and I DON'T, I'd say that Dorkasaurus Rex, Robbie Van Winkle put you up to this.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, Christian, I'm in total agreement with you. We're talking about a guy who acts out fairy tales and stoops soo low paying overweight stank ass HOES to say they're married to you. If those shifty and might I add LAME acts are any indication of what Robbie Van Winkle is capable of, then I'm totally, positively, ABSOLUTELY sure The Five Star BITCH is behind all of this!

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. No, no, no, you got it all wrong!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. No, don't play stupid with us, Bank Robber Dude. I totally believe in coincidences, but this is totally too convenient!

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. I-, I- [ The Bank Robber realizes that HE has the gun. ] Wait a second. It doesn't matter who put me up to this! At least not to you two, punks, because you won't live long enough to find out who-

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Talk, talk, TALK! Dude, you and that chunktoid, Robbie Van Winkle totally have something else in common, and that's you both have a bad case of the D.O.M.! Diarrhea of the MOUTH!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, you two dweeb-a-zoids talk a lot, but you're not saying anything but a bunch of total CRAP-OLA! Dude, if you're going to kill us, kill us!

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude raises the shotgun... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. But dude, before you do, you might want to look behind you.

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude slowly turns around, and there's nothing there. He turns back to Edge and Christian... ]:.:.

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. Playing tricks on me now?!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Uh... NO!

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude turns around, and looks again. Edge and Christian are both laughing, not believing how dumb this guy is. He turns back around... ]:.:.

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. You lousy sons of BITCHES! Stop telling me to turn around when there's nothing there!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Geez, you totally SUCK at bank robbing, dude!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, Christian you're tota- Whoa... Dude, turn around.

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. Oh no, I'm not falling for that again. [ Out of no where, Brock Lensar rises from behind the robber. ] Right now, I'm going to shoot the both of you, take my money, and go live it up in the islands!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Ah... You know what? I totally do NOT see that happening!

.:.:[ The Bank Robber Dude ]:.:. And why not?!

.:.:[ Brock grabs the guy from behind, then lifts him over his shoulders with incredible speed and aggression. He then sends him flipping into the ground. Edge and Christian cringe at the sight of this. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. That's why...

.:.:[ The hostages in the building begin to stand and cheer. Brock then picks the robber's limp body up, and sets him up for a powerbomb. He executes it, sending him into the ground with a sickening thump... Oh, damn, he's not done! He goes for another, and another, and ANOTHER, with the crowd cheering each time! Brock finally stops. Brock has knocked Bank Robber Dude unconscious, I mean, Brock has killed the Bank Robber Dude. Edge and Christian hold both his hands in the air, as everyone cheers... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude, being the hero TOTALLY reeks!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Yeah it does... Brocky, would you do the honors?

.:.:[ Brock rolls his neck in his trademark fashion, and begins to demolish everyone in the building. Chaos is everywhere, as people are running and scrapping to get away from the beast, Brock Lensar. Edge and Christian meanwhile head for the exit, seemingly undisturbed by the chaos, saying... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Well, that went well...

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Totally, Edge. And you know what, I totally have a feeling that on ShowTime, things are totally going to go well, when I curb stomp that reekazoid, Robbie Van Winkle.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. A feeling?

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Yeah, Edge. A feeling right here in my stomach. I mean, it's either that or gas, you know?

.:.:[ Edge shakes his head, understanding where Christian is coming from... Somehow. Our scene fades with the Edge-ster and the Christianator, exiting the building, while Brock continues the onslaught... ]:.:.