The scene opens on Livewire, a show dedicated to bringing the World Wrestling Federation fans the news around the federation, and recaps on all the weekly shows. Here we have Michael Cole in the middle of a discussion with Lillian Garcia. They're both nodding their heads, and using hand gestures to add emphasis to what they're saying. As we listen in, we find that they're talking about Billy Gunn. A wrestler who has been steadily proving his worth around the federation. He's also proving that he is not to be taken lightly by any means, despite his arrogant attitude...
Michael Cole: I do believe Billy Gunn is probably the best pure athlete we have in the WWF. However, I do not believe he is sexy or any of those other things you have been saying about him.
Lillian Garcia: Oh Michael. He is sexy, and his butt is simple nothing short of incredible! I think marriage is in our future. I can see myself at the alter, hand in hand with Billy Gunn. Saying... "I do."
Michael Cole: Well keep dreamin', Lillian, because if Billy Gunn is going to marry anyone, it's going to be himself.
Lillian Garcia: Or his ass...
Michael Cole: Billy has been in a battle of words with many of the wrestlers in the federation, namely, The Road Dogg Jesse James. The Road Dogg was the first to declare war, and he was the first to back out. Billy claims the Jesse was not ready to contend with him, and many speculate that that may be the reason for Jesse's backing down. Degeneration X is steadily trying to withstand the verbal onslaught from Billy Gunn, but now it seems that they'll just close their ears, and turn their heads from the explicit actions of Billy Gunn. Actually, we thought that we were seeing a DX reunion on Smackdown! when Degeneration X ran to the ring and gave Billy Gunn an assist on his victory. However, we later learned that Billy Gunn had no clue they had plans to carry something like this out. In fact, he thought that they would attack him. I'm sure he was quite confused. Billy Gunn is indeed a "livewire". This man will do anything at anytime. I believe the reason for this is his lack of fear. I'll tell you, the most impressive and intimidating wrestlers show no fear whatsoever.
Lillian Garcia: Well, Gorgeous Billy Gunn will have his hands full on Sunday against the man they call Droz. Yet, I have always referred to him as Puke. Cute. Billy has had some stinging words for this adversary on the behalf of not only himself, but Lita as well...
The scene shifts to Billy Gunn in the bar early, airing a excerpt from the promo "Forever Ass".
Mr. Ass: Droz, the people love me. The people hate me. Does it matter? One thing is of sure, you suffer to get any kind of reaction when you step into the squared circle. Why? Because no one gives a damn about you. The crowd actually laughed at one of your jokes? Eh... Surprising. It wasn't funny. Okay, okay, okay. I get it. So how much did you pay them? Huh? Don't lie, I know you did. And one other thing, if you're going to talk trash, don't get your tail kicked by a Mexican Jumpin' Bean thereafter. It really lowers the value of everything you said prior. Lets get Heat over with quickly. I have things to see and people to do. By the way, Lita is hot! Yet, she's not Mexican, or any other nationality like that, Darren. Therefore she wouldn't need a "permit" to stay in the nation. Besides, it's a green card. Oh, damn. I could go on and on. Let's cut this short for today.
Michael Cole: I bet you didn't take to kindly to Billy's words, huh?
Lillian Garcia: Oh, Lita? I'm not worried. Our kiss said it all. He loves me!
Michael Cole: Looking ahead, Billy Gunn has a huge match scheduled on Monday Night Raw against none other than the European Champion, The Olympic Hero, Kurt Angle. Billy Gunn has made it clear that he doesn't care for the title, and that he has his eyes set on capturing the World Title. However, Billy Gunn doesn't lie down for anyone. He will contend for the title and give it everything he has... We caught up with Billy Gunn after he left the bar today and asked him about his match. Here's what he had to say...
The scene shifts to the lobby of Titan Towers. Here we find Michael Cole chasing down Billy Gunn who's entering an elevator. Michael sprints to the elevator door, and pries it open. He enters, as he, the camera man, and Mr. Ass are the other ones in the elevator. Billy presses a button for his destination, and then leans against the back wall of the elevator.
Michael Cole: It's great to interview you, Mr. Gunn. This is our first interview together in a while. I'm here you ask you about your match against Kurt Angle. You failed to express your feelings in your last segment, so I thought I would come to you to get the story.
Mr. Ass: Looks like I'm on call twenty-four seven, huh? Well, sure. I guess it's no problem. I can answer a few questions. By the way, tell Lillian I said hi.
Michael Cole: Sure. Billy, you have made it clear that you have no care for the titles listed in the following: The Intercontinental Title, The European Title, The Hardcore Title, and I'm sure, The Lightweight Title. Will this effect how you come out in this match up in any way?
Mr. Ass: Of course not Michael Cole. Mr. Ass doesn't back away from a obstacle. This is an obstacle. Although it's not a very difficult one, it's an obstacle nonetheless. I plan to become a champion on the night of Raw Is War, and I plan to become the ultimate champion after King Of The Ring, when I am crowned King Ass, and will proceed to become the number one contender for the title. My plans have been laid out before me. I will not hesitate to achieving my goals. The federation has made these matches for me. I won't refuse them. I'll just destroy the competition that they place in front of me over and over again, until they get the message.
Michael Cole: What is that message?
Mr. Ass: That I should be World Champion, of course. In this federation, who else can hold that title of such caliber. Tommy Dreamer? He's a joke of a champion. I am quite surprised that this is the man representing this company. And Triple H before him. This will change within time. I myself must give it time to come to me. It will, I just have to institute patience. Along the way, I'll pick little fights with inferior competition, like Degeneration X, just to have a little fun. It's important that I do not grow bored, because it I do, I lose the passion that I have held for such a long time. You see that I have not lost that edge. Obviously it takes a lot to bore me.
Michael Cole: What do you think of Kurt Angle?
Mr. Ass: Kurt Angle is where he belongs. He should never hold a title like the World Championship Title. He's where he belongs. It's just unfortunate that the WWF would place a man with main event status in a match with a man with mid card status. Terrible, but understandable. If the WWF wants to elevate their European Title Division, their using the right man to do it. Yet, in order to get it out of my hands, their going to have to enlist the help of other World Title contenders. That's the only way it comes out of my hands. I don't think the World Wrestling Federation is making the right decisions if they want a competitive division. This will not be a competitive division, Mikey Cole! I promise you that.
Michael Cole: Look. I'm getting a little upset. I ask you how you feel about Kurt Angle, and you trail off talking about something else. I need a straight answer.
Mr. Ass: Kurt Angle sucks... Is that straight enough for you? Have you lost your puny little mind, Mike? Don't every raise your voice to me, understand?
Michael Cole: Yes, probably, and yes. I'm sorry about that, Mr. Gunn. Uh... But could you elaborate on Kurt Angle, please?
Mr. Ass: Let's see. Kurt Angle is quite the idiot in my opinion. I can't see how you can change the federation by being the first European Champion. Besides, unlike his proclaims to be, he's the first European Champion. That title has been around much longer than he's even had any relations with the WWF. The title was vacated and he picked up the title. Again I stress, he was not the first to win it. He claims that he will be first King of the Ring. That too, is false. Once again, that tournament has been around for quite a while now. However, there's a bigger reason as to why he will not be the King of the Ring, and that's simply because I'm in the tournament. Hands down, that means I win. I will win this tournament and capture my number one contendership to the World Title.
Michael Cole: Do you have the three 'I's', Mr. Gunn?
Mr. Ass: Uh, what?
Michael Cole: The three 'I's'. Integrity, Intelligence, and Intensity.
Mr. Ass: Why yes, yes I do. Although I'm not sure Kurt Angle does. You see, he often lies. This would mean that he lacks Integrity. If he thinks he can beat me, then he definitely lacks intelligence. Now, intensity? I don't know. I've never wrestled the guy, but there's no doubt that his does not compare to mine. Power, passion, and strength? I possess all of this and more. Far more. As he would say, "It's true, it's true". What gets me about Kurt is that because he won gold medals, he actually believes he belongs in the WWF. Those gold medals don't mean a damn thing in this federation. They really don't, and that short, chunky guy is going to have a rude awakening when I cut him down to size. By the way, haven't we been in this elevator for a while?
The elevator comes to a halt, and the doors fling open. Billy steps through with Michael Cole and his camera man steadily behind him. They walk through the office halls, as the common workers of the WWF get quite excited at the sight of Billy Gunn.
Michael Cole: Billy, I would just like to thank you for the interview, and for sparing me of the problems. You know, The Rock often gives me a hard time during these interviews. It's good to know you're different.
Mr. Ass: Oh! I almost forgot! Thanks for reminding me. Michael, turn around.
Michael Cole: Okay, but I don't know why. What did I remind you of, and how. I don't- Oh!
Billy lifts Michael Cole by his underwear, giving him a killer "weggy".
Michael Cole: Ahhhh!
Billy laughs at this site. Michael kicks his legs, struggling to find the floor. Then Billy simply drops him to the floor. Michael gets up, and gives Billy a stern look. He then waddles out of the office block of Titan Towers. The scene fades there, and we return to Livewire. Here we find Lillian laughing hysterically, with Michael Cole standing as if the results of the "weggie" are haunting him. He then tries to rush through the end of Livewire...
Michael Cole: Tune in next time when we dedicate the show to the late Rick Rude. I'm Michael Cole, and this woman laughing to my left is Lillian Garcia.
Mr. Ass: And I'm Billy Gunn.
Michael Cole turns to Billy Gunn, who's standing behind him with arms folded. Michael Cole screams and waddles as fast as he can away from Billy Gunn. Lillian Garcia winks at Billy Gunn as she walks away to investigate Michael Cole condition. Billy Gunn turns to the camera, and then says...
Mr. Ass: Well, I'm sure we don't want to close on that. Michael Cole did it weak. You need an official closing from the Ass Man. I'll leave you with these words. Billy Gunn is the greatest wrestler in the wrestling world. Testing him will only get your ass kicked thoroughly kicked. I will be your next European Champion, King of the Ring, and of course, World Champion. And if you're not down with that, I've got three words for ya'!
Kiss My Ass!
This has been an Ass Production, constructed for your viewing pleasure to stimulate the mind in intellectual thinking, and to turn on the ladies with the ever so frequent flashings of the Ass Man, Billy Gunn.