The scene opens to a fly. Just an insignificant fly that has taken rest on a table. The camera has zoomed in considerably on the fly, making the slightest details noticeable. Moving antennae and cleaning limbs, the fly has no idea of the impending doom that awaits him. Then suddenly, smack! A fly swatter comes into the picture, totally consuming the fly, killing it instantly. The zoom backs up and gets Billy Gunn into picture. Here he stands with fly swatter in hand, and with wrestling attire on, laughing at his recent actions of killing the fly. Billy Gunn has black warm ups in place of his wrestling shorts, and a muscle shirt on, that of course, bares the name, Mr. Ass. He shakes his head and looks up at the camera...
Mr. Ass: The fly... Deadly? Intimidating? No. But, mind you, quite annoying. The fly is not a predator, but more of a parasite. It feeds off others. Their food, their waste, etc. Now, it is only obvious that man is the superior to this fly, among other animals. Yet, that doesn't exclude the fact that... The fly can truly be a bitch sometimes! Well, this reminds me of one little tub of lard. Yeah, you guessed it, The Road Dogg Jesse James. Jesse is quite inferior to me, and, lets face it, to many more wrestlers in this federation. The Road Dogg Jesse James is not a predator. He's not the type who will go out and inflict damage, no... Jesse James would rather enlist the services of others to do his dirty work, or to assist him in it. Jesse James will leech off his friends, like he did when we were the New Age Outlaws. As fat as he is, I'm sure he fed off Degeneration X, literally... Now, here's the direct similarity... The Road Dogg can truly be a bitch sometimes! Let's begin with some problems I have with his segment. Okay, first of all, it sucked. Degeneration X never goes anywhere, or does anything without the company of an interviewer. Here's the next problem, Jesse James. I said you were in the woods, not on the woods. I don't give a damn what you were riding, but you were riding it in the woods. Therefore, I got it right asshole, get a life! You see? You're trying your hardest to pin me with something, but you just can't hang. You'll never pin me, Jesse. Not in any way, shape, or form. Loser... Lets go on to the next problem, ladies and gentlemen. The quote, "I'll stomp a mudhole in you, and walk it dry", was intended to be taken as a line from Stone Cold Steve Austin. Road Dogg, you're a jackass. Put your little tapes away. They can't compare to mine. Stop trying to emulate me. You'll never be Billy Gunn. It's truly sad how you're obsessed. Grow up, Jesse.
Mr. Ass moves away from the table. The scene is zoomed out, and we find that Billy Gunn has been standing in a bar, quite populated. The sound for the entire bar is restored as we find that this bar is quite rowdy. He walks over to the bar, and requests a drink. He then asks the bar tender to put the fee on his tab. He sits back, and accidentally bumps into a young woman seated behind him. She becomes quite upset, until she looks up and notices just who bumped into her.
Young Woman: Billy Gunn! My God, you're Billy Gunn! I can't tell you how much of a fan I am. I mean, you're so cute. All my friends at work talk about you after every show!
Mr. Ass: Oh, well, thanks. Billy always enjoys pleasing the ladies.
The young brunette blushes, as she reveals more of her leg in the dress she's wearing. She's quite attractive. Her looks can be compared to the likes of the most attractive women in the wrestling world.
Mr. Ass: Now, you did analyze the piss fat ass. You did say that, "Yadda, yadda, this is Billy Gunn's piss. He must have been admiring his dick", or something like that. God man, what's wrong with you? Don't try and lie like you always do. When do you draw the line and say enough is enough? Ah, and the swinging both ways thing. Ha! Trying to flip it around, huh? Using the same quotes I made. I was the one who said for you to stop fantasying about me, and I can pronounce the word correctly, unlike some dumb ass people... Material! Ha! Oh, and I I'm sure I said 'was' in my past interview. Just like I said 'the' or 'ass'. Yeah, I said it. So what do you want me to do about it? Don't try and break this whole thing after I have consistently made you look like a fool. You know you're outmatched, so you're backing out of this whole thing. Wise decision. You took my advice. I told you weren't ready, so I change my perspective. It's takes an idiot to admit when he's wrong, and you did just that. You stepped into something that you weren't able to handle. It took an ass to show you the right way.
Young Woman: I'd like an ass to show me the right way.
Billy turns to see her was she begins to wink and smirk at Billy Gunn. Trying to seduce him.
Mr. Ass: Well, I don't know where you can find a donkey in the middle of the city, but if you're looking for one, see if this city has a zoo.
She laughs, as Billy Gunn begins to look around confused.
Young Woman: Ha, ha, ha... You're so witty, and so much more sexy than on television.
Mr. Ass: Ah yes, and I do believe that the camera takes away from my ass. If you want to enjoy my ass to it's fullest, you must meet me in person. Anyway, on another note, I would like to address the freak known as Droz. The guy who rates everyone's segments, and consistently gives them "thumbs down" for entertainment value, when his segments are nothing special themselves. As a matter of fact, his segments suck. Yes, yes, yes... Overrated asses? So you've been checking out my ass, and you don't think it lives up to it's hype. First of all, you may check out my ass, but I don't think your fellow wrestlers will think too highly of you if you do. Second, my ass does live up to the hype, and much more. There's not enough hype for just how good this ass is. It needs to be inducted into Guinness or something... Jack ass! Don't ever insult my ass! On another note, when did I ever say a damn thing about 'The Naked Gunn'? That was a series in which three consecutive segments were entitled "The Naked Gunn". Geez... I can tell, this match against you on Sunday is going to be a hell of a lot easier than my match with Davey Boy. Believe me, that's saying a lot, because Davey Boy totally sucked in our match! You'll do the same.
Young Woman: Oh, don't worry, honey. I can suck it...
Mr. Ass: I see...
Billy looks at the camera with a suspicious look on his face. He continues...
Mr. Ass: Droz, the people love me. The people hate me. Does it matter? One thing is of sure, you suffer to get any kind of reaction when you step into the squared circle. Why? Because no one gives a damn about you. The crowd actually laughed at one of your jokes? Eh... Surprising. It wasn't funny. Okay, okay, okay. I get it. So how much did you pay them? Huh? Don't lie, I know you did. And one other thing, if you're going to talk trash, don't get your tail kicked by a Mexican Jumpin' Bean thereafter. It really lowers the value of everything you said prior. Lets get Heat over with quickly. I have things to see and people to do. By the way, Lita is hot! Yet, she's not Mexican, or any other nationality like that, Darren. Therefore she wouldn't need a "permit" to stay in the nation. Besides, it's a green card. Oh, damn. I could go on and on. Let's cut this hort for today.
The woman Billy is sitting next to, wraps her arms around Billy Gunn.
Mr. Ass: Besides, I have some business to attend to. Droz, the truth of the matter is, you're a terrible wrestler, and in short, you're not me. So I'm closing, if you're not down with that, I've got three words for ya'!
Kiss My Ass!
This has been an Ass Production, constructed for your viewing pleasure to stimulate the mind in intellectual thinking, and to turn on the ladies with the ever so frequent flashings of the Ass Man, Billy Gunn.