Ass Productions proudly presents to you...
An X-Rated Segment with...
First the United States Title? Then the Tag Team Titles? Now a shot at the World Title? My God, someone in this new management loves the Ass Man! However, is that the reason, truly? No, it's World Championship Wrestling's need for someone to represent them as the leader and money maker in this company.
||This "someone" is Mr. Ass. He brought WCW back as the top show in the RWA. For six cards straight, Billy Gunn has been booked for a match. There's no denying that the man with two belts across his shoulder, and a World Title in his sights is the not Franchise Player in World Championship Wrestling. And to think, he told you so...|
The Badd Ass Billy Gunn
In The first installment of "Top Gunn"
It's Only The Beginning
Mr. Ass will be World Champion
Era of the Ass
June - July 2000
Fuck The World Nitro marked the birth of a new era. The Era of the Ass Man. On this night, Billy Gunn made his in-ring debut against the slumping Booker T. He demolished him, and proved himself as a top player in World Championship Wrestling. Following this, on the very next card, Thursday Thunder, Jeff Jarrett was next to fall at the hands on the Ass Man, and in the process, lost his Hardcore Championship, to the one and only Billy Gunn. Turmoil strikes the offices of Turner Land, and management changes hands. Along with it, Fuck the World is diminished into nothing. Those held back by the rule of Fuck the World, with the controversial leader, Eric Bischoff, rejoiced on this day, and thanked the efforts of The Undertaker and Perry Saturn. Fuck the World Nitro brought home the achievement of top show in the Real Wrestling Alliance. Scott Steiner foolishly believes that Fuck The World Nitro was the reason for World Championship Wrestling's reclaiming as the top promotion in the Real Wrestling Alliance. Fuck the World Nitro marked the debut match of Mr. Ass. Hmm... Fuck the World has been a cancer on World Championship Wrestling for a while, and when the Ass Man first arrives... World Championship Wrestling rises above this, and reclaims it's spot as the top show in the Real Wrestling Alliance today. Mr. Ass is your reason for latest success of World Champion Wrestling. Thursday Thunder marks the first card under the new management. Guess who basically headlines the show... If you guessed Mr. Ass, you're a brilliant person and correct. Mr. Ass walked in with a mid-card Hardcore Title, and walked out with the United States Championship and a Tag Team Championship. Now, on Monday Nitro, Mr. Ass main events for the World Championship, against Big Poppa Pump, and the champion Scott Hall, with Kevin Nash as the enforcer. Immediately, we see that Billy Gunn, the most hated man by fellow wrestlers in sports entertainment, will be locked in a cage with nothing but enemies around him... Obviously, this will be the biggest test of his World Championship Wrestling career. Here's the question, is he ready?
X-Rated flashes on the screen, and a quite annoying sound, as if someone were running their nails down a chalk board, plays in the background. This scene fades, and we re-opens with a head shot of Billy Gunn, as he looks in a mirror, making sure he's decent. The camera roams, and we find that we are in the master bedroom of the Gunn Mansion, however, this time, it doesn't look as if a tornado came through it. Billy Gunn, dressed in blue jeans, and an X-Rated t-shirt, with his beaded necklace, and purple shaded sun glasses on, looks at himself in the mirror, making sure that when he steps out, he's nothing short of perfect. Cameron is wearing a white designer shirt, with light tight bluejeans, with her hair worn up. Night has fallen on the hometown of Billy Gunn, Austin, Texas. Billy Gunn steps away from the mirror, and turns to Cameron. She puts one hand on her hip, shakes her head, and takes Billy's beaded necklace from around his neck. She places it on his dresser. She then turns around, with a smile, and says Billy looks fine. He shakes his head, and rolls his eyes, as a concerned look comes over her face.
Cameron: What's wrong with you? And make it quick, Billy. We have to get to the airport. I can't believe we're going to be on Jay Leno together!
Cameron hugs Billy in excitement.
Mr. Ass: Honestly, I can't say I even want to go.
Cameron: You're kidding right, Billy? Tell me you're fucking with me.
Mr. Ass: I'm serious here, Cameron.
Cameron plops down on the king size bed, and sits beside Billy.
Cameron: "Unpredictable" must be your middle name. After winning that United States Championship, and the Tag Team Championship, and above all, losing that awful Hardcore Championship, you'd be in the partying mood. I man, we partied last night, but-
Mr. Ass: I understand what you're sayin', but I have a match for the World Title on Nitro, Cameron.
Cameron: Yeah, and?
Mr. Ass: I'm surrounded by guys who would laugh at my funeral. Scott Hall, the World Champion. Here's a man who's in his forties, and it's obvious that he has his hair dyed in an attempt to keep a youthful look. You wouldn't think it though, if you watched him in the ring. I mean, sure, lately, he's toppled pushovers, including a controversial win over The Undertaker to capture the title. And yeah, he's much slower than I. Both physically, and mentally. Yet, he's no pushover. I mean, he's the World Champion right? He hasn't defended it against the top wrestlers in this promotion, like myself, Scott Steiner, and Buff Bagwell, but no problem, he's the World Champion. He claims that defeating the likes of Jeff Jarrett and The Undertaker make him worthy to be a World Champion. Yes, they do. Scott Hall is an excellent wrestler, and he has the belt to prove it. However, as excellent as he may be, he's not better than I. No sir, not be a long shot. You see, often times, wrestlers make the mistake of saying their going to kick their opponents asses. Scott Hall knows what I mean, when guys like Jeff Jarrett, Booker T, and others, who are of obvious less talent than yourself, but act as if their the best in the world. The Undertaker and Jeff Jarrett did the same thing to Hall, and here I stand, doing the same. I will kick your ass, Scott Hall. There's no doubt about that. I'm not full of false promises. When I say something, I mean it. Those have questioned just how good I am, and I have laid those questions to rest with my impressive Real Wrestling Alliance resume. I follow through, with everything that I say. I'm not Jarrett. A man who in his eyes, feels he can kick anyone's ass, and if it came down to a match between him and God, he'd swear he'd kick his ass too. I'm smarter than that, and I should be respected and treated as such. If this match is honest, and by that, I mean, Nash, Steiner, and Hall don't kick my ass in the middle of the cell, while Bagwell watched from the outside, without a way to get in, I will be World Champion on Nitro. That's for damn sure.
Cameron: You're worried about Hall?
Mr. Ass: No. It's an accumulation of Nash, Hall, and Steiner locked in a cage with me. I can take each one of them, one on one, any day of the week, and hand them their asses, however, all three of them together? Mr. Ass is near perfection, but not a miracle worker. If this is a fair match, and the two Bischoff Bitches play fair, then we have a great match on our hands, with Mr. Ass coming out on top. However, if these two don't, then we have a problem. I mean, I could hold them off... With three Fame-Ass-Ers. Landing them would be the problem.
Cameron: Wait, you honestly believe that this won't even be a match, and that these three are going to jump you in the ring. Huh?
Mr. Ass: Exactl-
The door bell rings. Cameron grabs her purse, and Billy grabs the keys to the house. Billy turns off the light on the way out of the room, and they both rush down the stairs. Billy, crosses his large foyer, and opens the front door. There stands Buff Bagwell, with the limo driver. Buff is also wearing an X-Rated t-shirt, and he's all smiles, as he turns the limo driver around, to reveal that he has pulled the driver's underwear up, and it has disappeared in the crack of his ass. The driver has tears in his eyes, and Billy, Buff, and Cameron all laugh.
Driver: Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you! Where to?
Mr. Ass: Ah, the airport, my good man.
Buff Bagwell: Whoo! An X-Rated Night Show.
Mr. Ass/Buff Bagwell: Ratings!
All four make their way to the car. The driver, wobbling with the underwear still in his crack, opens the back door for the trio. They enter, and have seats in the large backseat area. Cameron sits close to Billy on his right side. Billy places his arm around her, and Bagwell sits across from them.
Mr. Ass: Marcus. Tell me something here. Do you think I'm going to get my ass kicked by a newly reformed Fuck the World?
Buff Bagwell: Wow, you just came out with that one, Billy.
The limo advances, and they're on their way.
Buff Bagwell: Well, you did piss on the Fuck the World shirt. Ha, ha, ha! Hilarious!
Mr. Ass: Man, it wasn't that funny after I got out of there. Kids were in attendance, and I'm being hit with lawsuits for showing my dick on television. Turner is going to have my ass for this.
There's a silence, and then Bagwell and Gunn erupt in laughter, as Cameron just shakes her head with a smile on her face.
Mr. Ass: I'm serious, though. I mean, damn, Buff. We know there's something going on between Steiner and Hall. Then there's always that old big ass Nash, who gets on my fucking last nerve, because no matter what, he's always there. I mean, damn. Either wrestle, or get the hell out of this sport. Well, we all know why this forty one year old fossil isn't wrestling. For the simple fact that X-Rated is on the scene, and are the top and most dominant stable in the Real Wrestling Alliance. Hidden Agenda? God, have you ever seen something worse, other than the J.O.B. Squad? Nah, I doubt it. Kevin Nash is the enforcer in this match. I've been dishing Fame-Ass-Ers out as face as an Ethiopian kid eats, and giving them out as much as much as Miss Hancock gives jobs. I will not hesitate to land one on Nash, and as old as this guy is, it may cripple his sad and sorry ass. Then Hall can push his ass around in a wheel chair for the rest of his life, but watch out, because people shouldn't push wheel chairs drunk. Hall, the drunk. I wonder, is there really anything wrong with being drunk?
Buff Bagwell: Sometimes I wonder the same thing.
Mr. Ass: No, Cameron. You shouldn't get drunk. Remember New Orleans when you-
Cameron: I got it.
Mr. Ass: Uh huh. Buff, with Nash as the enforcer, and Steiner and Hall working together, I'm in deep shit.
Buff Bagwell: Yes, you are.
Mr. Ass: Well, thanks man! Damn...
Buff Bagwell: Ah, don't sweat it. Loosen up. You need to get laid. I find it necessary to get laid before a show. It relaxes you. Cameron, Sunday night, do your duty.
Cameron smiles, and Billy's face of worry, and rage remains.
Mr. Ass: Steiner. What an idiot. "The most loyal member to Fuck the World". Ah, all that means it that he was the closest bitch to Bischoff. Yeah, he had his nose buried in Bischoff's ass the deepest. Weird. Steiner prances around World Championship Wrestling as if he's some kind of bad ass. Newsflash to the steroid pumping junkie, Scott Steiner, I'm the only Badd Ass in World Championship Wrestling, and I back it up. Steiner? What kind of bad ass falls in line with the power of the company? When you do that, you're under his control, therefore, you're under the company's control. I, on the other hand, am a true Badd Ass. Fuck, I'm losing my mind here. Steiner, Hall, Nash, bring it on! What was I thinking? If all of you do decide to take out your frustrations generated from your short comings in compared to me, it only shows how freaking pathetic you are. I'm Billy Gunn, and being Billy Gunn makes me an instant target. I'm the most hated man among fellow wrestlers. I'm everything they want to be, and when they realize that they'll never be me, that's when they want to see me gone. That's when they wish for me to fall. Envy can do that to a person. The sad truth. Steiner is confused and pathetic. He doesn't want Fuck the World to go because, hey, it made him famous. He's been a mid-carder his entire life, and the one thing that at least made him somewhat popular was Fuck the World. Scott Steiner doesn't have what it takes to be a World Champion. As much as I despise Hall, he is the the World Champion. Steiner, you are not in our league, and placing you in this match is an injustice to the entire promotion. Others, far more hardworking than you, are more worthy of this title shot. Hell, Bagwell could kick your ass, but here you're receiving a title shot before him. This is sad. What, did you get on your knees for the new management too, Steiner? You're an ass kissing loser, who attempts to ride people to the top.
Buff Bagwell: Man, you have a point. He has gotten a title shot before me! Fuck! I should kick his short stubby little ass.
Mr. Ass: Me first, Buff. Me first. Here's a guy who stands at 6'2", two hundred something pounds. This is a little guy, and I'm going to have my way with him. Powerslams, Brainbusters, Jackhammers, and finally Fame-Ass-Ers will be the story of our exchange in the cage. Steiner Recliner? What the fuck? Get real, Scott. That hold sucks. Bottomline. Especially in comparison to the Fame-Ass-Er. Once again, little man, you're out of your league. Steiner needs to bow to the masters, oh, well, he has for the management!
Buff Bagwell: Eww. Man, that's nasty.
Mr. Ass: Damn right. Scott just doesn't have what it takes to contend with me. I mean, he's made his career with Television Titles, Tag Team Titles, and Six-Man Tag Team Titles. Who the fuck cares about the Six-Man Tag Team Titles? That's just a division organized for those who don't have a place anywhere else. World Championship Wrestling, at this point in time can do without that title. I doubt Steiner should flaunt the fact that he's held those titles six times as reason enough to win the World Title. No. If that's the case, those who were on your team could vouch for the same. Steiner is no one special. Just a guy who misses the spotlight under Bischoff and Turner, and wants that life back. Hmm... No, that's not going to happen. X-Rated are bringing the ratings. X-Rated have the ability to destroy pricks like Scott Steiner. Does he honestly believe he has a chance to win this? No. Not with me standing in the way. I'm sure, Scott Hall and Scott Steiner will attempt to see to it that I don't win at all. Not a problem. I never said this was going to be easy, but I always said I'm going to do it. Mr. Ass. Damn, things just don't come easy to me. Well... The United States Title did... Damn, Buff. I wish I could have earned that. I guess that's where my vow to win the World Title, and vow to defend the United States Title as much as possible, comes in. Scott. Bound with his ties to Fuck the World. Buff, I'm about to get deep, man. The leash that Steiner insists that he's bound by, is no other than his ties to Fuck the World.
Buff Bagwell: That wasn't that deep. We all know that.
Driver: I didn't!
Mr. Ass/Buff Bagwell: Shut the fuck up!
Mr. Ass: Okay, so it wasn't that deep. Fine, I'll give you that. Back to Scotty Hall.
Buff Bagwell: Damn, why?!
Mr. Ass: What?
Buff Bagwell: I'm tired of him. Man, I know I'm going to kick his ass at New Blood Rising. You know I'm going to kick his ass at New Blood Rising, even Cameron knows.
Cameron: Even? Now what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Buff Bagwell: Nothing. Damn, why is she always with us?
The Driver stops the car. They have arrived at the airport. Gunn, Bagwell, and Diaz exit the car after the driver opens the back door for them. There in the entrance stands Buff Bagwell's mother. Billy and Cameron glare at him.
Mr. Ass/Cameron: And you wonder why who is with us all the time?
Bagwell just smiles sheepishly, as the scene fades there. The scene re-opens in the airport, where we have the the trio seated in the waiting area. Billy and Cameron are reading a magazine together, while Buff Bagwell is watching Jerry Springer on the monitor. The waiting area is large, and on the same token, filled with people. Yet, the X-Rated crew has found a nice spot, and after what they did on Thunder, no one wants any part of them. Their antics reached the main stream media, and actually has World Championship Wrestling in heat with the PTC. X-Rated can do that to you. The most immature stable in the history of World Championship Wrestling, however, the best. Their bags are set at their feet, as they quietly await airplane... Quietly? Get real, this is X-Rated.
Buff Bagwell: Whoa, look at that bitch!
Mr. Ass and Cameron look to the monitor, where we see a large woman trampling to the Jerry Springer stage.
Mr. Ass: Damn. That's a lot of woman.
Cameron: Damn right. Where did your mother go, Marcus?
Buff Bagwell: Oh, she was just here for a bit of situation comedy.
Cameron: Oh, I see.
Buff Bagwell: Hey, I think Scott Hall dyes his hair.
Mr. Ass: What does that have to do with what we're talking about?
Buff Bagwell: Is it a crime to change the subject?
Mr. Ass: Ah, hmm... No. And yes, Cameron and I have already discussed that.
Buff Bagwell: I thought so. I mean, it's too damn black to be his actual hair color.
Mr. Ass: Scott Hall is not the problem. You see, I'm beginning to understand Scotty Hall a bit here. He hasn't had a serious defense since he captured the title in controversial fashion against The Undertaker. This will be his first. And in his first, who does he bring along with him? Kevin Nash. Come on. If Kevin Nash and Scott Hall were any closer, they'd be married. You can bet your ass that Nash will try and play a huge role in this match. Enforcer? Who the fuck made this idea? Probably Hall, crying to The Cat, begging to have Nash as the Enforcer, so he has a chance to hold the belt until you take it away from him at New Blood Rising, Buff. Hall can't do it on his own. He claims he's the "Lone Wolf", but damn, when was the last time you actually saw him alone. He and Nash are everywhere together. Not to mention, he was with Fuck the World. Another one with his head buried in the former management's crack. Hall hasn't already mentioned that he's not going to be the same after that change. We know, believe us, we know. Hall is nothing without his back up. I wish we could go at it one on one. Steiner is a fucking joke, and this match should have true wrestlers, who are actually worthy of the World Title wrestling in it. No Nash are the Enforcer. No Buff Bagwell commentating. Just Hall and Gunn, one on one, winner walks away with the title, and the loser shuts the hell up. That's a lot to ask of Hall. I mean, this man will talk, and talk, and talk. It's going to take someone like me to drive my foot up his ass, so he'll stop his foolish gibberish. The Outsiders? Fuck. I heard Hall say that no one screws with the Outsiders without a punishment. Ah, fuck him. I'll screw with you guys until you pricks retire, and that should be in a couple of months, because you're well past your prime, and I haven't reached my prime. Yeah, that's right. I have a long way to go until I reach my potential, and I'm already better than Hall and Steiner. It's a beautiful thing. I am the greatest athlete to walk into World Championship Wrestling. And guess what, I'm going to walk out the best wrestler... Ever. Hall, you seem to think that you're the best. Please, stop your idiocy right now, because such a thing could get you hurt when you face up against me.
Scott Hall always brings up his victories against Jarrett and The Undertaker, as reason enough for him to be in his position. That may very well be enough proof, and I have never questioned him as a champion. I just know I'll be the better one. I'm not wrestling Scott Hall's past, or Kevin Nash's. This is a new day, and Monday will be as well. Kevin Nash has a rich past, and Hall will never achieve it. Basically because I have arrived. It's my time. Not Hall's. He's had his fifteen minutes of fame. Mr. Ass is stepping into the spotlight, and it all starts on Monday Night. The Outsider's Edge is not a factor, and it's not a worry. It can't compare to the Fame-Ass-Er in anyway, shape, or form. I'm just too damn good. Hall, do you think you're to big for a Jackhammer? If so, keep thinking so, because that will only result in this here Jackhammer hurting like a bitch when it's landed. Try me. Mr. Ass is the man in World Championship Wrestling. I'm not going to flaunt my accomplishments, so damn, don't flaunt yours. We're the same type of wrestler. He stormed into World Championship Wrestling, taking the federation by storm with our incredible talent and mic skills. You went straight to the World Title, with the influence of your buddy Eric Bischoff. I was thrown into mid-card status. What the fuck? Eric Bischoff held me down, and why? Because he knew if there was one man who could knock you off your pedestal, it would be me. However, times have changed, and so have people. Now, I'm where I should have been a week ago. In the hunt for the World Title, with the United States and Tag Team Championship on my shoulders. I'm loaded with gold. I want one more. I want to make history. Has anyone ever done this? Held all of these titles at once? Someone, tell me, please, has this been done? Does it matter? No. All that matters is that I hold the World Title. I must. It's what must be, for the good of this company. World Championship Wrestling needs a champion. A true champion. A real champion. A great champion. Hell, World Championship needs the drunk fuck, Scott Hall out of the seat as the World Champion, and Mr. Ass in it. If you're not down with that, I've got three words for ya'!
Kiss My Ass!
Click below for the Official Homepage of the Badd Ass Billy Gunn.