Ass Productions Proudly Presents to you...
An X-Rated Segment Starring
Billy Gunn in...
The Era of The Ass Man
Royal Rumble Winner 2001
Wrestlers Mentioned: Rob Van Dam, Explicit, etc.
Notes from the Handler: Pro Wrestling Online will see a significant toning down of length in these roleplays, and a rise in quality. The reason why my past two roleplays were so hideously long was because I felt a need to address as many wrestlers in the Rumble as possible. I don't like writing them, anymore than you like reading them. Hopefully this one, and others to come are a little easier on the attention span. =)
The scene opens in a dark room. This room has but one light, and it's found in the distance. At a rapid pace, the camera closes in on this small lit place in the seemingly endless room. Here we find Derek McMichaels, the official cameraman of the Ass Production segments. Here he sits on a stool wearing sunglasses, a Baltimore Ravens jersey, black jeans, and a black cap which he's wearing backwards. The spotlight hits him and only him from above. He look up to the camera, and removes his sunglasses. He smiles, then says...
Derek McMichaels: Let me be perfectly honest here. I didn't think he could pull it off. I have worked with Billy Gunn for months now, and in those months, he's done some incredible things. Yet, I still didn't think he could pull it off. Maybe I thought he may have met his match, in wrestlers like Chris Jericho, Val Venis, Al Snow, or Scott Hall. Now, I'm not saying they're better. Actually, I don't think they can hold a candle to the Ass Man, but Gunn hasn't been active for a month or so. On top of that, in his first segment, like an idiot, he gets in a car accident. At this point, and I'm sure it was evident in the next segment, I was worried as hell. I knew he was the type that wouldn't sit out of one of the biggest matches in his career. Even though he treats me like trash, I have a lot of fun with this guy and I love my jog at Ass Productions. Basically, if Gunn was seriously injured, and I'm talking career ending... Well, I can kiss my job goodbye, because Ass Productions, hints the name, is the Ass Man. He goes in at number fifteen. Here's yet another obstacle. You have guys like Snow, Michaels, Hall, Jericho and others coming later. How the hell can he overcome these guys, injured and fatigued? I think we all just saw how. The guy comes in like a bat out of hell! He's eliminating guys here and there, doing exactly what he said he was going to do. After that, we see the fatigue wear on him as he's hit with about three of four finishers! And he still manages to remain competitive. Now, on a side note, I tip my hat to Val Venis, Scott Steiner, and Kane for lasting incredibly long in that match. One hell of a job there. Then we get to the scariest part of the night, Hall versus Gunn, and Hall gets the better of a near dead Mr. Ass. Thanks Nash for the assist buddy. Gunn will kill me for that... Then it happens, in a great performance, over the top goes Snow and Gunn. Snow hits the ground, and Mr. Ass holds on for the victory. That's one hell of a performance, and after taking on some of the greatest competition in PWO, Billy Gunn deserves his shot at the title in the biggest event in wrestling, Wrestlemania. I can't be more proud to be his cameraman. Okay, that was corny, but hey, it's true.
The scene opens Dallas, Texas. What a place, huh? A great city, with towering skyscapers, the women, the stars, the women, and the scenery. Did I mention the women? We're here in Dallas, Texas because of the newest star in the PWO, and the star of all Ass Productions, Mr. Ass. I'm sure we can all recall Mr. Ass' accident in his first segment here in PWO. He was hospitalized, and his future in wrestling was questionable. However, as he said he would, he rose above the adversity and won the Royal Rumble in convincing fashion, starting at number fifteen in the rumble. This is said to be the biggest upset in the history of PWO, and you know what, it may very well be. But don't let Billy Gunn here you say that. Billy Gunn has without a doubt found his way into the spotlight quicker than any wrestler before him, and there's no doubt that the Ass Man will take this opportunity and run with it. All the way to Wrestlemania, where he will come away with the World Title. We find Mr. Ass at a auto repair shop in Los Angeles around mid-day. He's not alone, for his newly acquired valet, Gorgeous George accompanies him. Billy Gunn is wearing casual clothes here, wearing a very expensive red and black patterned shirt which looks somewhat reminiscent of the shirts you can find at the store Lucky's. In short, it's a pretty nice shirt. He's also wearing black pants, with casual boots on, and he's wearing red shaded sunglasses. George is nothing short of incredible, wearing a pink dress that cuts off quite short. She's also wearing black sunglasses and wearing her hair up. Before the couple stands a short man in comparison to Gunn, who's wearing a a gray uniform that looks filthy with grease stains. He's wearing his hat backwards and is sweating horribly. He has his hands on his hips, as if getting a bit frustrated. These three are standing in front of Gunn's car as it's being unlinked to a tow truck. It looks much better than before when it was totally totaled. Now, the car is pretty much together, but the engine is what needs the most repairing. Apparently, Gunn is looking to have his car fixed. The question is, why take it half way across the country to Los Angeles? George, who was previously standing behind Gunn, wraps her arms around him from behind. Gunn begins...
Mr. Ass: Listen, pal. I had my car towed all the way to Los Angeles, because I was told you were the best mechanic in the nation. You look like very unprofessional. No, you look like shit, and I'm very disappointed right now because I paid a hell of a lot of money to have my car towed here. I had better get results.
Mechanic: Billy, Billy, Billy. I'm Lou Diamaggio. You've come to the right guy. I'll have your car fixed in two weeks.
Mr. Ass: Two weeks? That's quite a while. The majority of the problems with my car fixed in Austin. I'm here to have you repair the engine. It doesn't seem like it should take that long.
Mechanic: Look, you're in good hands.
Mr. Ass: I know I am, look at her. She's fine as hell. I'm worried about my car, Louie.
Mechanic: Yeah, yeah, I know. Actually, I could have this car fixed for you by the end of the day with the right amount of cash.
Gunn rolls his eyes.
Mr. Ass: How much?
Mechanic: Oh, we're talking chump change for a superstar like you. A cool five thousand dollars should do the trick.
Mr. Ass: I should slap your doughnut munchin' fat ass for even thinking about that!
Mechanic: Damn, I just remembered. A car dealership down the road wants us to check all of their cars throughout the next two weeks. We may not get to your car until a few weeks down the line.
Mr. Ass: Son-of-a-bitch... Alright, fine. You have your five thousand, but this car had better be waxed, given a new paint job, among a bunch of other things. Put a CD changer in it too, shit... For five thousand dollars. And when I get back, there had better be a whore sitting in the backseat butt-naked with my name on her.
Mechanic: Just let me take care of it, Billy my man. My best customer.
Mr. Ass: I bet.
Louie walks away, as Gunn turns to George, who has her arms wrapped around his midsection. She says...
Gorgeous George: Uh, Billy. Correct me if I'm wrong, but we're riding in a Porsche, right? Why in the world are you so worried about a Ford Mustang?
Mr. Ass: It was a gift.
Gorgeous George: From who?
Mr. Ass: I don't want to talk about it...
Gorgeous George: It's Cameron, isn't? Ah, Billy. You can open up to me. Seriously. You can confide in me.
Mr. Ass: Yeah, Cameron gave me the gift. It was kind of like a gift exchange on Christmas. She brought me a 2001 Ford Mustang and I brought her a 2000 BMW. Shortly after that, we began to fall apart. That's one of the main reasons I made a return to wrestling. I had to take my mind off her. But hey, don't think that's a weakness. Hell no that's not a weakness. The Ass Man is ice cold. I'm the best damn rookie in the history of PWO. Believe me, no weaknesses here.
Gorgeous George: Whatever you say, Billy.
Mr. Ass: You're my manager. You should agree with everything I say.
Gorgeous George: I am.
Mr. Ass: Yeah, but that "Whatever you say" came off a little sarcastic.
George playfully hits Gunn on his chest, then squeezes him as they walk over to the red Porsche parked in the front of the auto repair shop. Gunn opens the passenger door for George, she nods and smiles, then gets in. Gunn closes the door behind her, then slides over the hood of the car to the other side, opens the door, and gets in. Gunn pulls the car out of the parking lot, and the couple is on their way.
Gorgeous George: Okay Billy, here's another reason why you shouldn't even have your mind on the car, you just won the Royal Rumble! I mean, why in the world are you worrying so much about a broken down Ford Mustang that was given to you by an ex, when you're one of the biggest superstars in PWO!
Mr. Ass: Whoa, breathe babe. I hear what you're saying, and believe me, the thought of me winning that rumble has yet to leave my mind. I'm definitely aware of the fact that I won that Rumble, and because of it, I'm easily one of the top, if not the top wrestler here. To answer your question, I knew I'd win it all along. Some suit in PWO had the audacity to call this an upset. Upset? Mr. Ass doesn't make his career on upsets. He makes his career on telling you he's going to do something, how he's going to do it, and doing it. There are no 'upsets' involved. Now, I would have no problem with the guy if he called it like it truly is. Wanna know what it is? It's the biggest win in PWO History and the best performance in PWO history. Think about it, I am the Royal Rumble winner. Therefore, I am the man. I said I was going to do it, and dammit I did. Now I can't dwell on this, even though I probably will. I shouldn't though, because it's onto Wrestlemania from here. Incredible eh? Billy Gunn main eventing the biggest event in wrestling history. I can't wait! But I have a while, and the title could change hands between now and Wrestlemania. Hell, there's a World Title match on Thunder. Hall, Jericho, Snow, and Triple H for the World Title. Something tells me I won't be matched up against Triple H at Wrestlemania. It's just a hunch, but hey, when I say something, as of right now, it usually happens, right? Damn right. I'll take anyone of these losers. You have boring ole' Scott Hall, who's lost one of his bed buddies in Kevin Nash. Now he has one left, but I doubt Bill Goldberg is going to want to cover his shift with Hall, then work overtime as the replacement for Nash too. Since Triple H has had Hall's number for a great deal now, he doesn't have Nash anymore, and he is on a losing streak, I'm going to say he's not going to come out on top. Oh, and not to mention the fact that the guy thinks I slept my way to the top in this promotion. I was given the same shot at Wrestlemania along with twenty nine other men, including Scott Hall. There is no favoritism there, so it's obvious that Billy Gunn ain't sleeping around. It's funny that Hall be the one to bring that up, when he was elevated upon arrival. I think Hall is speaking from experience, and by accusing me of it, he's trying to find someone to relate to. Either that, he's just jealous. Ha, Hall is jealous of Billy Gunn. Then there's Chris Jericho, the man who set a record for the amount of times he uses the same catch phrase in one segment is another jackass who bores the entire crowd in an arena time and time again, just like Scott Hall. Damn, I see him in the middle of the ring and I just want to tell the little bastard, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Lord knows somebody needs to do it. Who better to do it than Billy Gunn? And finally there's Al Snow. Now, if I question the excitement in Jericho and Hall, can you imagine how I feel about this guy? I don't think I need to go any further. I've beat these three once, and I'll do it again. The way I see it, Triple H would the biggest challenge for me out of the four competing for the title. Basically because I haven't beat him yet, but that's because I haven't had the opportunity. Wait, according to Triple H I have... A Survivor Series. Funny, I've never been in this promotion before. Triple H is simply dreaming here. He's dreaming about what he cannot do.
Gorgeous George: Well Billy, that's not the only thing happening on Thunder. You know you have a match, right?
Mr. Ass: Uh, no.
Gorgeous George: Uh, yes! You versus Rod Van Dam.
Mr. Ass: Who's that?
Gorgeous George: C'mon Gunn, you have to keep up with this stuff. And by the way, I can't believe you called yourself Assmaster in that little promo you did before the rumble.
Mr. Ass: Don't ask...
Gorgeous George: Anyway, in any other circumstances, I wouldn't be the least bit worried about this one, but honey, Rob is running with that Explicit crew, so you can bet your bottom dollar he's gonna have some backup in that match.
Mr. Ass: Oh, he's the coward type, huh? I hate those guys. I mean damn, why can't they just be men and win a match on their own? Why do they have to resort to having some friends win matches for them? Rob Van Dam, whoever he is, is a freakin' coward if he has to rely on friends to bail him out of problems. It's not his opponents fault he just can't measure up. Hell, just from what I here about him, he probably can't measure up in bed, and I'm sure he doesn't call his friends to help him out... Okay, maybe he does. We are talking about Explicit here. God, they must be the freakiest bunch since.. Damn, I can't think of a witty punch line somewhat reminiscent to the hilarious jokes on everyday happenings found on daily primetime television shows. Ah well, my point is clear here. Sunny is a whore. Kanyon is an idiot. Jarrett is a freakin' queer for being aligned with Explicit, but a dumbass or getting kicked out. Edge and Christian probably swing both ways. Wait, you don't know what I mean? Oh come on. They play for both teams. They're switch hitters. They prefer both holes and poles. And then there's Rob Van Dam. Why the hell would he join Explicit? Ah, I think we all know the reason behind that. Think about it. It's evident that not only does Rob Van Dam see his alignment with this crew as a way to rise to the top, but he also sees this as an opportunity to get his freak on. Not surprised. Y'know, I can recall a Van Dam at the Royal Rumble... Yeah, I remember now. He was the mystery opponent in Nash's match. Well, poor Kevin, he's been going through a great deal lately. Hell, he's on a losing streak. He's sliding to the bottom with his buddy Hall, but I think he was going a little faster, so he's trying to grab Hall and pull him down with him. Damn, ain't it a shame? Anyway, Edge, that little queer, came down to the ring and assisted Van Dam in the victory. Ain't that a bitch? I know Edge's tactics. I know how he and Sunny think. Hell, I was once just like Edge in a past federation. In short, they shouldn't even think about helping their boy Van Dam get a victory. When I put him down for the one, two, three, after a devastating Fame-Ass-Er, I don't want to see Edge, Christian, Tammy, and whoever else running to the ring trying to help him out. Afraid? No. I'm worried about the safety of Explicit. Yeah, 'cause if they do decide to interfere, I'm making every last one of them fame-ass if you know what I mean.
Gorgeous George: Sunny... That bitch.
Mr. Ass: Ah, easy.
Gorgeous George: "Ah, easy"? You called her a whore. You said she had syphilis, herpes 2, AIDS, and I can't call her a bitch?
Mr. Ass: Well, when you put it that way, I guess it's cool.
Gorgeous George: Damn right. I can't wait until we meet in the ring.
Mr. Ass: You can't wrestle for a month, Gorgeous, what the hell are you talking about?
Gorgeous George: I'm talking about that bitch Sunny making her way to the ring to help out one of her cronies, which in this case would be Van Dam, and me kicking her ass!
Mr. Ass: Don't worry about her. Tell me more about this Rob Van Dam...
Gorgeous George: Ah, well I hear he's like the greatest Hardcore Champion ever.
Mr. Ass: Hardcore? Who the hell cares about Hardcore anymore? It's like the worst title in the promotion. It's even lower than that Cruiserweight Title, and you know how I feel about that. That's not an accomplishment. Winning the Royal Rumble is though. Hardcore just isn't my forte. I hate the stuff. I figure I'm too damn good looking to risk injury to my face or my ass. Nah, it's not for me, but to prove a point, I'll do it no questions asked. Rob Van Dam apparently loves this stuff. Fine. Good for him, and I hope he can capture that Hardcore Title many more times in the future if that's what he likes. Well, that's all I wish him. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet, he's now looking to knock me off. I'm sure this would be huge for his career to knock off the best damn rookie in the history of PWO. Fine, he'll get his shot. Now, if I get a shot, it's like saying I'm without a doubt going to take advantage. With Van Dam, or anyone else for that matter, it's totally different. They can say they'll win as they please, but it doesn't mean it's so. With Mr. Ass, it's guaranteed. So, right now, I'm saying it, at Thunder, I will come out on top. I know Van Dam will sink to the bottom of the earth to try and find a way to topple a giant like myself, but it'll do no freakin' good. He's an Explicit member, I can expect nothing less than the worse. Robbie, I think joining Explicit was a big mistake. I'm serious man, because their time is coming. What time? The time when they plunge into nothing. The time when Sunny is no longer in power. It'll be the time when Edge loses that Intercontinental Title. I could go on and on, but it's easy to ride the wave while it's good. Anyone can love their life through the good times. It's when those hard times come. That's what makes you a man. How you overcome it, or if you overcome it determines your worth in this promotion, and this society. Van Dam's relations in Explicit are good. Van Dam is coming off a tainted win against Kevin Nash. Explicit is on top of PWO right now, and guess what, Rob Van Dam is in Explicit. Things couldn't be better could they? No, they couldn't. Now, Van Dam has a match with Mr. Ass on Thunder. Triple H defends his title against Scott Hall, Al Snow, and Chris Jericho. Edge defends his Intercontinental Title against Val Venis. The wave is about to hit turbulence, because, George, Thunder will not be Explicit's night, especially for Robbie Boy. So what will Van Dam do then? When everything is looking pretty damn bad, and the PWO superstars have knocked their asses off the top of the promotion? He's a front runner, so he'll jump over the fence to what seems like greener pastures. Yeah, this is vintage Rob Van Dam...
Billy Gunn pulls into the parking lot of a gas station. He and Gorgeous George step out of the ring, as Billy Gunn makes his way into the store. Right before he steps through the door however, a spotlight falls seemingly from the sky, right behind him. Gunn jumps, looks around quickly, then screams...
Mr. Ass: CUT!
The camera backs away until we see that the corner store is apart of a set in a studio. The scene gets the director, producers, equipment managers, and all other people who work with the filming of segments like the entertaining ones that Billy Gunn stars in. Billy Gunn steps off the scene which sits on a platform. He looks to the rafters and sees a figure running away. He points up there, then snaps his fingers, and instantly, security is on the trail. Billy Gunn shakes his head, as the director tells everyone to take a break. Gunn insists that it be the rest of the day, and it is done. George taps Gunn on the shoulder, looking very worried.
Mr. Ass: Yeah, what's up, babe?
Gorgeous George: I gotta go, I just wanted to say bye before I did, because after I take care of business, I'm outta here.
Mr. Ass: Where you goin' babe? Just out of curiosity.
Gorgeous George: You know, I gotta go... Take care of business...
Gorgeous jets out of the scene, as Billy watches her take off.
Mr. Ass: I guess when you have to go, you have to go, eh? Yo, Troy, where are the massage therapists?
A tall lanky individual steps up to Gunn in the midst of all the chaos of about one hundred people who each have a job in the makings of Mr. Ass' segments. Gunn and Troy shake hands, then Troy says...
Troy: Go through the studio doors to the hallway. Go right, then take a sharp left, and the door is on the right.
Mr. Ass: Uh, yeah, gotcha.
Before Gunn sets out to the massage therapists, he's stopped by Michael Cole. Here's the promotion's favorite interviewer, with a cameraman behind him. Gunn looks down at him a bit annoyed.
Mr. Ass: Can this wait? I'm on my way to the massage therapists, and the quality of women in that department is incredible. Honestly, I'd rather see them much more than you.
Michael Cole: This will only take a second. Pamela tells me that she'll get the first interview with the Royal Rumble winner. I want to beat her to the punch, so just do me this favor, please.
Mr. Ass: Oh, well, when you put it that way, how can I refuse?
Michael Cole: Phew, thanks, I-
Billy Gunn takes him by the shirt, and tosses him into the refreshments table. The crowd in the stupio let out a gasp, as Michael Cole hits the table, screaming while in the air.
Mr. Ass: I guess I found a way to refuse... It just hasn't been a great couple of days for Michael Cole. Seems like all the top superstars are treating him like shit... If I was a man with compassion... I still wouldn't feel for him. You know, after Thunder, I'll be saying the exact same thing about Rob Van Dam, 'cause let me tell you, this simple singles match spells hell for Robbie Van Winkle, courtesy of Billy Gunn.
Gunn follows the directions accordingly, but takes the door on the left, instead of the right. Inside he finds Cameron Diaz in a meeting with Ass Production suits. Ah, and for those who don't know what a suit is, a suit is a high ranking person who, believe it or not, is often seen in a suit. They all turn to him when he opens the door. The suits give a smile, while Cameron looks a bit uncomfortable. The suits ask him in. All of them look to be over forty easily. All six of them stand, and shake Gunn's hand with big smiles on their faces, and why not, Gunn is paying their bills. And mine too. They ask Gunn to stand at the head of the room and...
Old Suit #1: Mr. Gunn, it truly is a pleasure to see you just after your incredible victory at the Royal Rumble.
Old Suit #2: Oh yes, bravo. We enjoy your segments so much. Would you please give us a little taste of what you plan to say to your next... Victim?
The suits laugh at this, while Gunn stands at the front, trying to figure out what was so funny about that.
Mr. Ass: I suppose I can give you a taste, gentlemen, oh and lady. But, uh, I was almost killed about five minutes ago. Do we found the guy who tried to take me out?
Old Suit #1: No sir, but we're on it. Now please, we'd like to see a portion of your promo...
Mr. Ass: Fine, fine... I'm stepping into the ring with a man who can leap from one turnbuckle in the ring, clear across the ring, landing on the other side. You'll never hear me say that Rob Van Winkle is not athletic. But you'll always here me say, anything he can I do, I can do better, I can do anything better than him. You see, I'm probably the most athletic wrestler on the roster, even with Robbie on it. Why? It's simply my versatility. What other man my size can give you a Jackhammer, then execute a missile dropkick consecutively? Not many, if any. That's what you're dealing with when you step into the ring with Billy Gunn. You're dealing with a man who has the strength of a big man and the agility of a Cruiserweight. Can you say, 'unbeatable'? Of course you can when in reference to Billy Gunn. You can't say the same about Rob Van Dam, if that is his real name, can you? Hell no. Here's a man who lost his Hardcore Title to Mick Foley. Mick Foley! And this guy is still considered the best Hardcore Champion of all time here in PWO? Nah, I'm not impressed, but nor do I care. I stressed earlier that Hardcore doesn't mean a damn thing to me. I question whether or not Rob Van Dam can stand toe to toe with Billy Gunn in a singles match. Now, in Extremely Crappy Wrestling, a singles match was still pretty much a Hardcore Match. That's not the case here. Without Hardcore rules, Van Dam's most devastating moves are illegal. What will he do now, especially in the biggest challenge of his life. He's never gone against anything like Billy Gunn, and do you know why I know this? Because I'm The One Billy Gunn. The one and only, baby. I'm not Scott Hall. I'm not Chris Jericho. I'm not Scott Steiner. I'm better. Now, I don't have the intensity of Scott Steiner. I don't have the corny jokes of a Chris Jericho. And I'm not a jealous bastard like Scott Hall. I'm Billy Gunn. I am a man who's true to my word, unlike the men I just named. Those were men who made the mistake of saying that they could beat me. Beat me! But came up short, when I was injured and in the freakin' rumble since number fifteen. Robbie, don't make that mistake, because everytime you even hint saying you can beat me, you're only motivating me to look past anything that stands in my way. For example, in that ring, I may be dead tired, but just thinking about those who doubted me gives me the motivation. The will power to overcome and triumph, despite their doubts. The magnitude of this match is much lower. It means considerably less to me than the Royal Rumble, but that doesn't mean I don't want to win. Who likes losing? I sure as hell don't, and I don't think there's a man in this promotion who does. I just hate it more than anyone, which is why I fight that much harder to keep myself from experiencing it. Robbie. Of all people, I don't want to lose to you. That's why I'm locked, cocked, and ready to go, kid. That's a damn shame for you, because that means there's no way you're walking away from this one just another face in the promotion. Yeah that's right, you're walking out of this match Fame-Ass, with that oh so devastating move, The Fame-Ass-Er...
The suits begin to clap as Billy Gunn nods his head. He winks at Cameron, who tries not to smile. Suddenly, someone steps through the door. It's Jean Claude Van Damme! He here stands in the door way wearing a tight blue shirt with bluejeans. The clapping has stopped as the suits look on a bit worried. Cameron does as well.
Jean Claude Van Damme: Are you Billy Gunn?
Mr. Ass: Yeah, so what? Ah man, you must be here for the action sequence. I heard we were getting Jackie Chan, though. You'll do fine I suppose.
Jean Claude Van Damme: I'm here to answer your challenge.
Mr. Ass: Challenge?
Jean Claude Van Damme: Yes, challenge. I was told that you had a problem with me. Now, there are a lot of people who have a problem with me... Mostly because of my acting, but I can live with that. But I heard you've said some pretty not-so-nice things, man. I'm here to set you straight, I am straight!
Mr. Ass: Ah shit, man. I've been talking about Rob Van Dam. You know, the wrestler? By the way, you could probably kick his ass. He's a push over. Anyway, I questioned if he had a little sugar in his tank.
Jean Claude Van Damme: I've heard that one before, pretty boy! Just for lying to me, I'm going to kick your butt!
Mr. Ass: Kick my butt? Give me a break, I'm supposed to take that seriously. C'mon, you ca- Oh shit!
Jean Claude Van Damme charges Gunn, then spins in the air, and lands a spinning round house kick on Billy Gunn. Gunn is sent crashing into file cabinets in the room. Jean Claude Van Damme begins to dance around a little bit. As Gunn is slow to get up.
Mr. Ass: Holy shit! That hurt!
Jean Claude delivers two body punches, then an uppercut, sending Gunn into the table. The suits back away, and Cameron begins to cheer Gunn on. Jean Claude leaps into the air in an axe handle position. Gunn's eye get huge, as he sticks his legs into the air, and catapults Jean Claude over into the wall. Gunn gets up slowly, while Jean Claude leaps onto the table, then jumps off with a side kick. Gunn catches his foot, then throws him into the wall. Jean Claude hits the wall, then comes off bending over. Billy Gunn then give him the Fame-Ass-Er into the carpet. Jean Claude is out, and Gunn is fatigued. Gunn stumbles to the door, as the suits watch in surprise. As he makes it to the door, he's met by two security guards holding a masked man in their clutches. Behind them stand four kids with a dog. Gunn excuses himself, as the suits follow him into the hallway.
Security Guard: This is the man who tried to kill you, Mr. Gunn.
Billy Gunn rips the mask of a monster off the person, to find that it was the PWO Official that confronted him when he was hospitalized just one segment ago.
Mr. Ass: Why, man?
PWO Official: I told you, I wasn't going to rest until I've ended your career, and it would have worked too, if it wasn't for those kids and that mangy dog!
Mr. Ass: Get him out of my face... Am I immediately a target?
Gunn turns away from everyone, as the entire scene goes black. He now stands in a dark room, with a light shinning down on him and only him. He looks to the sky...
Mr. Ass: Is it because I won the Rumble, those who are jealous want to talk behind my back, and question my victory? Yeah, like Scott Hall. Then you have people who want to knock me off. Yeah, like this prick security just apprehended. Is this what comes with the territory? Ah, can The Badd Ass handle such adversity? I dunno if he can continue to watch his back, looking for any surprises from those who want to be him, but never can be. Those who envy of him pulses through their veins like blood itself. Can Billy Gunn overcome this? You bet your ass! How the hell else did I win the rumble? I overcame adversity and stuck it to those PWO Superstars. Now they're crying to each other backstage, questioning my victory, when they should be looking in the mirror. How about they look at themselves, truly be honest, and ask, "Did I put forth enough effort to talk try and bring down the achievement Billy Gunn realized?" Most of you, especially one in particular, will find that you did not, and he should grow up a little bit and stop acting like a little teenager. Now that The Badd Ass is here, you're not dealing with little boys. You're dealing with a man. A man that will be dominant throughout his career in PWO. His dominance has already begun, and it will continue on Thunder with Robbie Van Winkle. I'm in it to win it, and not to just play around in PWO. After Thunder, the pattern continues as he makes each opponent Fame-Ass with that Fame-Ass-Er along the countdown to Wrestlemania. If you're not down with that, please follow this quick and easy instructions...
The scene fades with Gunn winking to the camera, then walking away into the darkness that surrounds the spotlight.
This segment has been brought to you by Ass Productions. Do not air this segment for profit without the expressed written consent of The Pro Wrestling Online, The Ass Production Team. In other words, don't steal this shit!