|.:.:[ Disclaimer ]:.:. Uh, it's simple really. It's a roleplay. It's not reality. Don't take it personally. To those who actually intend to read these, rather than scroll through it just to see how long it is, sit back in your padded chairs, grab your potato chips, chocolates, licorice, donuts and diet pepsi, adjust your coke bottle lenses and enjoy! C'mon BABY ... ARE YOU READY?|
.:.:[ Segment Title ]:.:. I'm the ONLY Badd Ass around here, Taker!
.:.:[ Single Record ]:.:. 1-0
.:.:[ Tag-Team Record ]:.:. 0-0
.:.:[ Accomplishments ]:.:. PWO Royal Rumble Winner 2001
.:.:[ People Used ]:.:.
.:.:[ Foreword Scene ]:.:. The scene opens once again with highlights from Pro Wrestling Online's Monday Night Raw, a show packed with action from the opening fireworks. Matches like Triple H taking on The Stinger are in the highlights, along with other matches that took place throughout the night. These highlights remain for only a short time, and are replaced by highlights from Billy Gunn's impressive victory over The Rock, along with classic footage of his victory in the PWO Royal Rumble 2001. While these highlights play, and much more, in the background plays Mr. Ass' theme music, along with Billy Gunn's commentary on the latest happenings in Pro Wrestling Online...
.:.:[ Foreword ]:.:. You want a foreword, wrestling fans? Who better to give it to you than the man who has it all, and then some, with a side of ass? Well look, I'm back once again, address you, about this Undertaker situation. I hate it when a wrestler calls himself somethin', then doesn't live up to what he calls himself? Know what I mean? Look, we have The Taker running around this place calling himself The American Badass. You heard me the last time I said what I had to say about this crap. Like I said before, does riding a bike make you a badass? Does wearing a bandana make you a badass? Does chewing tobacco make you a badass? Take it further, hell, this place is full of guys like The Dead Man. What's make you a People's Champion? Does putting an eyebrow up make you a People's Champion? What makes you The Game? Does knocking out your competition with sledge hammers so you don't have to face them in the ring make you The Game? The answer to every one of those questions is 'No'. And if you're a true Badd Ass, it's 'HELL NO!'. That's just what's on my mind, right now. Let me close this foreword, like only Mr. Ass can. I told The Rock I would expose him for the chump he is... I did that. Now, I'm tellin' ya' I'm gonna expose The American Badass for what he truly is... What? Don't know, and don't care, but I can tell you this... He sure as hell ain't a Badass! With that...
The Ass Man has spoken...
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. The scene opens in Austin, Texas, once again. The camera gets incredible shots of the state capitol, the University of Texas, and numerous other sights in the capitol of Texas, Austin. It's just past ten in the morning, central time. The camera then narrows it down, giving shots of the common airport, here in Austin. The viewer is taken inside the airport, where we find it's quite crowded, which is no surprise. The viewer is taken just left of one of the entrances in a hallway. This hallway has restrooms, water fountains, and other utilities like candy machines open to the public. Here, just stepping out of the restroom, we find The Badd Ass Billy Gunn, buckling his belt, and adjusting his jeans. He's seen here wearing a black bandana which bares the words, "Badd Ass". He's also wearing light blue shaded glasses, a t-shirt, which reads in neon green and purple letters, "The Badd Ass", and on the back, "Kicks ASS!". He steps out of the hallway, and takes a look over the crowded airport. He picks up a bag of luggage which sat underneath the sink, and heads into the crowd. As he walks, those in front, quickly move out of the way, giving him a path to walk through. Gunn takes notice of this, and can't help but smile. Meanwhile, only yards away to his right, runs a large group of groupies, who look to be about in their mid-twenties. Their target is obvious, and it's The Badd Ass. Gunn doesn't take notice of it yet. To Gunn's left runs Michael Cole, who has a camera man flowing closely behind. Right before the girls reach Gunn, one calls out...
.:.:[ Groupie #1 ]:.:. Billy! Billy, wait!
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. Gunn turns to his right in surprise, and stops dead in his tracks. The girls, who have been running at a sprint, have a difficult time stopping once they reach Gunn. The girl who called for him, trips over another girl's foot, and the entire group is sent tumbling into Gunn. He backs away, taking some contact, but he's unable to keep his balance thanks to Michael Cole's sneaking up behind him. He falls into Cole, and the entire scene looks like a train wreck. Gunn quickly gets to his feet, and pulls Cole up by the collar.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Looks like somebody wants ANOTHER date with a pitching machine!
.:.:[ Michael Cole ]:.:. N-No, please, Mr. Ass. I'm s-sorry about this...
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. The girls have helped each other to their feet. One taps Gunn on the shoulder, and he turns to them, looking quite upset, but upon seeing them, he lightens up. He drops Cole, who immediately fixes himself up, quite upset about the treatment Gunn has given him. The cameraman, however, is loving every minute of it.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Girls, I must say... You're probably the best looking fans I've ever seen!
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. The girls giggle, loving the fact that Billy Gunn is flirting with them.
.:.:[ Groupie #2 ]:.:. Well, we're definitely glad you like what you see, Billy.
.:.:[ Michael Cole ]:.:. [ Michael Cole rolls his eyes. ] Mr. Ass, can I get a-
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. [ Billy laughs. Totally ignoring Cole. ] Well girls, what can The Ass Man do for you?
.:.:[ Groupie #2 ]:.:. Billy, we are such HUGE fans. We love EVERYTHING about you. You're just soo sexy, and-
.:.:[ Groupie #3 ]:.:. And you definitely have the best ass, we've ever seen!
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Can't argue with that...
.:.:[ Groupie #4 ]:.:. Well, Billy. We were just hoping you could... You know, hang out with us. [ She presses up against Gunn. ] We'll make it worth your while.
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. Gunn nods his head, with a smile, as the girls move closer to him... "Grouping" around him.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Hey girls... I would love to. And I mean, I would LOVE to, but I have to go. I gotta get to Smackdown!, and kick some ass, and look damn good doin' it!
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. Gunn is about to rant, when two "toy" cops walk up behind the girls, shoving them aggressively aside, just being pests. Oh, and down south, we call cops who don't have guns, just flashlights, "Toy Cops". Gunn lifts his glasses up, and place them on his forehead. He looks a little upset.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. What's the problem, officers?
.:.:[ Flashlight Cop #1 ]:.:. These girls are the problem, sir. We saw the entire thing. When these reckless girls plowed into you, causing a big disturbance in the airport. We don't tolerate this around here. We'll be taking these girls-
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. I don't think so. They're with me.
.:.:[ Flashlight Cop #2 ]:.:. We don't care, pretty boy.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. What are you going to do if I DON'T let you take them? What, ya' gonna blind me with your flashlight? What?
.:.:[ Flashlight Cop #2 ]:.:. We'll be back... With our supervisor!
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Oooo, I'm scared now. [ Feel the sarcasm. ] Get the hell out of my face! [ The cops walk away, and the girls huddle even closer. ] Anyway, girls, where was I? Ah yeah, girls. I have to kick The Taker's ass! Look girls, it's no secret, I don't have any respect for the guy, and since you girls, who obviously have great taste in men, [ Gunn points to himself. ], then I know you don't have any respect for The Dead Man either. How the hell can I have respect for someone, when I honestly believe I'm ten times better than they are, on far more levels than one? Skill, brains, looks, you name it, I have it, and The Taker has less, or none at all! That goes for all the other guys in PWO. Yeah. I'm ten times better then those chumps too! Girls, it's simple really. Not only are you standing around the greatest wrestler of our time, you're also standing with the most beautiful specimen in Sports Entertainment. You like- No, LOVE my ass! Well, we definitely have somethin' in common, because it's nothing short of incredible. My ass is critically acclaimed, and I may have an Oscar Nomination for it. It's quite the sight, so perhaps a Nobel Prize is in the future for me. Who looks as good as the Ass Man? Damn he's a great looking guy.
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. The girls nod with a smile.
.:.:[ Michael Cole ]:.:. Billy, I-
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. What, Cole, what?!
.:.:[ Michael Cole ]:.:. Well, I would like to get a few more words from you about various things that involve you in PWO.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Make it quick.
.:.:[ Michael Cole ]:.:. First of all, Gunn, I'd like to get a further understanding of your feelings going into such an important tournament, for the PWO Title.
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. Gunn faces Cole, with the girls standing behind him, obviously annoyed by Cole and his interruption. Two of the girls lock arms with Gunn, as he begins...
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Cole, listen. Triple H, Scott Hall, and Billy Gunn are semi-finalists in the tournament. Whoever wins out of The Heartbreak Kid and Chris Jericho- I just don't give a damn. You see, Cole I am the Ass Man. I am Mr. Ass. I am the Badd Ass Billy Gunn. The best technician with the best stamina, with the strongest drive. No one can bounce back from near-defeat to rebound as smoothly as I can. No one in the world combines power with grace, balance, and skill the way I do. There are a lot of great wrestlers out there, but no one is the complete package. No one except me, not Triple H, not Scott Hall. I'm locked, cocked, and ready to go. Where? I'm ready to win it all. I'm ready to begin my dominance in the wrestling world. This dominance shouldn't be difficult to obtain. I just have to win... Twice. TWO MORE MATCHES?! Are you kiddin' me?! Anybody in their right mind, who knows PWO history, and better yet, KNOWS That Badd Ass Billy Gunn, has gotta know what I make my career on defying the odds, and rising to the occasion. I hear Chris Jericho proclaiming that PWO is entering his era. Yeah, I think it's a bunch of crap, Cole, so before any of the other wrestlers in this federation even begin that crap, I'm telling you now. No matter what you project, or what goals you set for yourself, remember that from this day 'til the day I retire from this federation, I own this federation. You are apart of this federation, therefore I own you. I'm here to make a statement. what's the most effective way to REALLY make a statement? Just prove that you're the best, hands down, in PWO! How do you do that? Simple, you win that World Title, that's how. Hall, Hunter, and the other guy who enters the semi-finals of this tournament are in for a rude awakening. They're cocky about their chances, thanks to wrestlers backstage, telling them they're favorites in the tournament... Good. I'm glad. 'Cause they'll never see me comin'. Just wait 'til they get a load of me.
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. At that, a young man, to Gunn's left, behind Cole, walks swiftly by. He's wearing an Undertaker t-shirt, which reads, "The Last Ride", and has other text, which can't be seen at this angle. The sight of the shirt infuriates Gunn. He pushes Cole in his shoulder, points to the kid, and says...
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Get that kid!
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. Before he can get too far, Cole stops him, and brings him back to Gunn. He does it without hesitation or attitude, which is a sign of either fear or respect for Gunn. The kid looks up at Gunn, and frowns at him. He's only about fourteen years old. Gunn folds his arms across his chest, with the girls still behind him and says...
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. What's your name, kid?
.:.:[ Kid ]:.:. My name is Alan, sir.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Well, Allen, why the hell are you wearing that shirt?
.:.:[ Kid ]:.:. I think The Undertaker is cool, sir. I love watching him wrestle. He's one of the best!
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. [ Gunn makes a noise like a game show buzzer when you're wrong. ] WRONG! You see kid, The Undertaker, well, sucks. Yeah, that's the truth. [ The kid frowns at this. ] Don't think so? Listen kid, do you know who I am? [ The kid nods. ] REALLY?! That's makes all this all the more... Surprising. Look, if you know who I am, and you know who The Undertaker is, how in the hell can you possibly think he's the best? No wait, you said he's one of the best. Well, if you consider EVERY wrestler in PWO among the best, then yeah, The Taker is easily one of the best... And so are Kaientai. but if you narrow is done to, oh, let's say a top ten... My little friend, The Taker is no where to be found. Kid, I should show you how truly pathetic your Undertaker really is, by kicking his ass Thursday Night. I was already planning to do that, but hey, I do for the kids when I can. [ Gunn laughs. ] At 6'5", and over 260 pounds, I'm his worst nightmare. Hell, if he couldn't even beat Kurt Angle, then you know I'm his worst f---kin' nightmare. Kurt Angle doesn't match him athletically by any stretch of the imagination, yet his sorry ass still fell to the Olympic Slam. Let me tell you something, when we meet in that ring, he will fall to the Fame-Ass-Er. This is the deadliest move in the wrestling business. You don't think so? Hopefully he doesn't either. Please, tell your hero the Taker to underestimate it. It'll hurt that much more when I land it on 'em.
.:.:[ Kid ]:.:. I- I think- I-
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. [ Mocking the kid. ] I-, I-, SHUT UP! Get the hell outta here!
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. Gunn palms his head, and pushes him to the right, where he was headed earlier. As he's stumbling, Gunn kicks him the in ass, sending him stumbling further, into the crowd. Gunn laughs, and the groupies pause for a second, but when they see Gunn laughing, they do the same.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Well, Cole. What else do you have for me?
.:.:[ Michael Cole ]:.:. Any plans on how you're going to go about defeating The Undertaker?
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Cole, I gotta watch out for The Taker in this match AND his Big Retard of a brother... The Big Red Retard. I'm up for this challenge, and let me tell ya', it's a challenge and a half. But you know what, I welcome anything and everything PWO can throw at me. They've thrown The American Badass at me, and I'm about to show PWO and The Taker what a true Badd Ass is! Basically, Cole, I'm just too much for The Dead Man. He's nagged with injuries that stretch from a mental illness to knees as weak as Spike Dudley. Under normal circumstances, I'm still too much for him. Take the injuries away, I'M STILL BETTER! So they should be no excuses. Especially since I'm walking into this match up without the odds in my favor. But hey, not having the odds in my favor, is IN my favor. I thrive on overcoming adversity. I don't back down. I welcome it. When I do, the Fame-Ass-Er can effectively, and I mean effectively, do it's job. You know what that is? It's making people famous, Cole, and that's exactly what I'm going to do to The Taker, and his brother, if he decides to help The Taker out. But you know what, I think the Fame-Ass-Er is gonna have another job Thursday Night. Yeah, I think it's going have the job of giving over the hill wrestlers their LAST RIDE in professional wrestling!
.:.:[ Michael Cole ]:.:. Don't you think you may be taking The Undertaker lightly? I mean, you may be selling him a little short here, Gunn. You are, and I mean, you are a great wrestler, but the way you're talking, it's as if you think you're going to come into Smackdown!, and stomp all over him.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Think? Think?! C'mon Cole, YOU gotta THINK! I'm The Badd Ass Billy Gunn. I KNOW I'm gonna stomp all over his ass on Smackdown!. You hear me, Cole? Selling him short? If anything, I'm OVER estimating him! We're talking about a guy who couldn't even get past Kurt Angle. C'mon, now, Cole. Think. Look, I'll say this about Kurt Angle. He's alright. I has a little talent to him, but when you compare The Olympic Hero to The Badd Ass, well, there's no comparison! The same goes for Billy Gunn and The Undertaker. In my eyes, losing to The Undertaker would be an embarrassment. An embarrassment, Michael Cole! I hate embarrassment. I hate humiliation. But it's weird, because I love humiliating people. I love embarrassing them. I loved humiliating The Rock on Smackdown!, dominating his sorry ass, beating him from turnbuckle to turnbuckle, in front of [ A Rock Impersonation. ] ALL THE CROCK'S FANS! [ Impersonation Over. ] Cole, there's no damn way I'm letting a wannabe Badass, overtake the TRUE Badd Ass. Understand? I'm too good for that. I have too much pride for that. I'm going ALL the way to the top of the mountain in PWO, so when I look back on May seventeenth, two thousand one, I can say, on that night, I beat The Undertaker's ass, despite his brother's help. Something very few, if any, can say they've ever done. It's me versus Kane and The Undertaker, Cole... And believe me when I say, I'm going to kick their asses, it's an under statement...
.:.:[ Michael Cole ]:.:. Any last words?
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Without a doubt, Cole, without a doubt. Taker, you're simply a pit stop, a bump in the road, hell, whatever you want to call it. After our match, I'm going on to something far greater that YOU! Far more important than YOU! I'm going on to win that World Title. So when you see me holding that title above my head, after I beat whoever faces me for the title, well, you'll be able say, "Hey, I went toe to toe with the champ", and tell stories about how I kicked your ass, while a bunch of your reject bad ass imbred friends listen on. It's time, girls, Cole. It's my time, to show you that I am for real. The World Title. That's what I'm gunnin' for, and as you can see I'm more than qualified to be the PWO Champion. To represent PWO the way it's never been represented before. I am definitely a man who can overtake anyone for that piece of gold. It's my time. It's this federation's time. It's this federation's time to have a real champion. It's time for the era of the Ass Man! Wrestlers say that this year will belong to them, or that they're era will begin. I'm one of those wrestlers. However, the difference between myself and those wrestlers is that... I will make good on my promise. Don't believe me. Doubt me. Laugh at me. I want you to. Because when I do make good on my promise, the looks on your faces will make me all the more happier after you doubted me. Word of advice, never doubt an Ass Man, 'cause when you do, you can bet your ass when he comes for you, you're gonna regret it that much more. Things hurt more when you don't expect them. Think of The Badd Ass that way... You see, you're looking at your next World Champion! And if you're not down with that... I got three words for ya'!
Cole, thanks for you time... Nah, you should be thanking me, actually. You're done, now go. I have a few ladies to entertain...
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. This puts big smiles on the faces of the groupies, as Gunn wraps his arms around as many of them as possible. An even number walk on both side of them, as they walk away from Cole, who, hey, I actually feel sorry for... Cole then says...
.:.:[ Michael Cole ]:.:. I can't do this anymore. You get another interviewer to handle Gunn. I'm done! And I hope, I hope The American Badass beats Gunn within an inch of his life.
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. Meanwhile, on the girls stop smiling, and she then says...
.:.:[ Groupie #3 ]:.:. Uh... Billy. I think all the time you spent talking to that greasy haired little guy, you could have had a little fun with us.
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Did thinking about that hurt?
.:.:[ Groupie #3 ]:.:. Well, ye-
.:.:[ Billy Gunn ]:.:. Then stop thinking, and just enjoy the ass...
.:.:[ Scene ]:.:. All the girls lean backward as they walk with Gunn, getting a look at his ass, as the scene fades...