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- Disclaimer - Following is a roleplay written by the guy they call Kyle, and the same goes for the layout. If you should choose to read the following roleplay, beware that you may find extreme language, adult situations, crude humor, or anything you would find in your regular 'R' Rated Film. If you feel you can handle such themes, then please, by my guest and enjoy the roleplay, which is not associated with any wrestling organization. This roleplay is only made for fun and entertainment purposes. |
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- Roleplay Title - |
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Once Upon A Time in... Japan?! |
1st NEW Tag
Team Champion; |
1-0-0 |
Rob Van Dam; |
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- Next Match - |
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N.E.W.
#1 Contendership Match for the World Title |
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Totally Bringing The
Era of Awesomeness to .:.:[ The scene opens in a very peculiar airport. Why is it peculiar? Well, let's just say it doesn't look like this airport is located in the great country of Canada, or even the United States for that matter. Yet, although their surroundings are quite different, the awesome duo of Edge & Christian don't seem to notice it, as they walk through the airport wearing casual clothing and their trademark sunglasses. They also have large bags strapped to their backs, no doubt their luggage. Christian is walking while reading a magazine on the latest in pro wrestling today, while Edge is looking at a brochure... ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. [ Upset. ] Edge, this is soo NOT cool. I'm not even in this magazine! I mean, dude, how can you possible leave out The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness? .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. I too have a dilemma, mon frère. Why in all that is awesome would the flight attendant give me a brochure about Japan? Japan! [ Shakes his head. ] .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. [ Christian turns some pages. ] Whoa, Edge, take a look at who's in here! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Wait a second, let me take a totally awesome guess here, Christian. Hmm... .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Perhaps a totally sweetastic hint to help his awesomeness out is in order? .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, it would totally be appreciated! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, think of he who reeks of lame-ocity to totally extreme magnitutions! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Kick ass hint there, Little Bro. I think I may totally have it. But just to make sure, he wouldn't happen to point to himself every time he says his own name like a total dweebus maximus, would he? .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, he would! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. He wouldn't happen to spend his free time talking to totally unimportant people, like store clerks and little kids, about his matches, would he? .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, he totally would! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Okay, and finally, he wouldn't be the very person who, after he began to get B-R-utally annihilated week after week, by competitors totally second class to his Awesomeness, he ducked out of competition here in New Era Wrestling, not only in total fear of getting totally annihilated yet again, but because he was soo totally embarrassed about totally becoming a has been in only a matter of weeks, he couldn't even stand to show his face in public any longer, would he? .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, he WOULD! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Then we're definitely talking about the Five Star BITCH, Robbie Van Winkle! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Ding, ding, ding! You sir, are totally CORRECT! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, I totally RULE! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. And so do twinkies! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, like totally Christian! .:.:[ Edge and Christian execute an incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then pump their fists in celebration. They continue to walk through the peculiar airport, now nearing the exit. ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, let me take a look at that magazine. .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Sure thing, Big Bro. Let ME take a look at that brochure. .:.:[ They both hold their item out for the other to grab. They grab the magazine and the brochure from each other at the exact same time as when they do, they yell... ]:.:. .:.:[ Edge & Christian ]:.:. SWITCH! .:.:[ Edge flips through the magazine as Christian looks over the brochure. ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Reading. ] 'Five Star Welcome for a Five Star Performer'. [ Stops reading. ] Dude, more like a totally craptacular and undeserved welcome for a totally craptacular performer! And to think, Robbie Van Winkle is totally one of the chumpstains I have to face to get my soo totally deserved shot at the biggest prize in the business. Life soo does NOT make any sense sometimes... .:.:[ Christian looks shocked as he looks up and finally notices the foreign environment they're in. Edge STILL doesn't notice. ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Turns the page. ] Oh, and how totally convenient, the OTHER chumpstain I face is on the next page. Mr. Perfect? Sh-Yeah, as if! Mr. 'Soo totally NOT' Perfect is soo NOT perfect! Dude, where do they get these people? One opponent points to himself EVERYTIME he says his OWN name and the other has a perfection complex! [ Shakes his head. ] Why don't those suit wearing reekazoids of the NEW just give me that shot at the World Title? Whoa, wait a second, Christian, with sucktacular opponents like Mr. 'Soo NOT' Perfect and Robbie Van Winkle, they totally ARE giving me a shot at the World Title! Am I right, or am I totally right, Christian?! [ Goes for the hi-five, but Christian doesn't. ] Uh, Christian? .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge... Why are we like two feet TALLER than everyone in this airport? .:.:[ And suddenly it all becomes clear to the awesome reeking duo that they're no longer in Canada, or even the United States. Edge and Christian look up and around to find that they stand out like a couple of turds in swimming pool. Wow, what an analogy, eh? But what really gives the fact that they're in another country away is the huge banner directly in front of them that reads... ]:.:. .:.:[ Edge & Christian ]:.:. [ Reading the banner. ] Welcome to JAPAN! [ Turn to each other. ] Dude, NO WAY! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, this totally REEKS of sucktitude! I can't believe this! Japan?! This is soo totally like the time we ended up in Mexico! And I soo do NOT think I need to remind you how that totally SUCKED! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, dude... Not here. [ Christian looks pissed. ] C'mon, Little Bro, you soo need to pull yourself together. [ Christian looks like he's gonna cry or something. ] Dude, NO! [ Christian starts kicking the ground. ] Dude, this is like totally childish! .:.:[ Now, he starts kicking it rapidly and repeatedly. Oh no... He drops to the floor, and begins to bang on the ground. The people of Japan look on, some humored, some frightened, and some confused. Yes, this is the second official Christian temper tantrum. Edge just shakes his head, and looks up. In the distance, taller than everyone around him, he sees Kurt Angle, arguing with someone. Christian rises to his feet. Edge now says... ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, I totally empathize, but you soo have to find another means of showing your frustration. .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. [ Still angry. ] Edge, I'm totally in a state of pisstation here! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Points to Angle. ] Looky, looky, Christianator. It totally looks like our Olympic Hero is in a similar predicament. .:.:[ Kurt notices Edge and Christian and waves. Edge waves back, while Christian continues to pout. While Kurt makes his way over to the awesome reeking duo, Edge and Christian are eerily quiet, because of Christian's pouting. Kurt, with his Television Title across his shoulders, reaches the awesome reeking duo, and kicks things off... ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Hey, Kurt, find those medals yet? .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. WHOO! [ Lifts his medals off of his chest. ] That's right, Edge-ster, no more cardboard junk for the American hero! My babies are BACK! WHOO! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. [ Snaps out of his rut. ] Kurt-ster, that's totally SWEETASTIC! Now you have the that kick ass Television Title AND your Gold Medals BACK! Edge, it looks like Team ECK is totally swarming with good news! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian! Kurt becomes the NEW Television Champ and finds his Gold Medals, and then on Sunday, I'll totally win my shot at the kick ass NEW World Title when I totally annhilate Robbie Van Winkle and Mr. 'Soo NOT' Perfect. Life soo does NOT get any better than this! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Sorry, Edge-ster, but I'm in total disagreement with you there. We're in Japan! JAPAN! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Good- No, I mean, AWESOME point there, Christian. [ Looks at Kurt. ] Hey Kurt, by the way, how did you get those Gold Medals back? .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. [ Smiling confidently. ] Let's just say I owe it all to the Men In Black! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Dude, really? The Men In Black?! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, The Fresh Prince and Tommy Lee Jones totally RULE! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Yeah, they do! .:.:[ Edge and Christian execute an incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then pump their fists in celebration. Kurt is smiling, hoping to get in on the fun. He holds his hand out to get a hi-five, but he's ignored. He shakes his head and says... ]:.:. .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. Guys? [ Ignored. ] Guys? .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, get this. I soo know you remember the totally bitchin' theme to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian! [ Tries to act like a rapper. ] Peep this home-slice! [ Rapping. ] West Philadelphia, totally born and raised! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. On the playground is where I totally spend most of MY days! .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. GUYS! [ Gets there attention. ] Sheesh, this is ridulous! I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist for Christ's Sake! [ Holds up his medals, then kisses them. ] AND, I'm the NEW Television Champion! [ Holds up his TV Title, and kisses it. ] Do you two have ANY gold medals or any championships? [ Edge & Christian remain quiet. ] I didn't think so! So let's show a little more respect for the man who represented the United States of freakin' America in the 1996 Olympics! Now, what are you guys doing in Japan? .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. I think we can totally ask you the same question, Pork Chops! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. [ Laughs. ] Edge, that was totally killer on the comedic scale! Pork chops?! Classic! Edge, with comedy like that, you're totally the next Jerry Lewis! [ Edge and Christian pump their fists. ] .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. Wait, that wasn't even funny! And what is that supposed to mean! [ Shakes his head. ] Oh, nevermind. I have enough things on my mind. I'll be defending my Television Title at Fatal Fury against Randy Orton! And I'm in Japan? I had no intention of coming to Shang-whoo, Hong Wong, or wherever we are! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Someone should have paid more attention on World Geography. [ Edge and Christian nod their heads toward Kurt. ] Because everybody knows that it's totally Shanghai and Hong Kong! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, and they're not even in Japan, dude! [ Laughs. ] They're in France! Kurt, you were waaay off! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Looks like Kurt, here, got his high school diploma out of a Cracker Jack box! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Score! .:.:[ Edge and Christian execute an incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then pump their fists in celebration. Kurt simply sighs and shakes his head. ]:.:. .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. Guys, don't you think we need to hop back on a plane and head back to the good ole' U.S. of A? I have a big match on Sunday against Randy Orton, and I believe in prepartion! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Kurt, I too have a match, but you soo don't see me having a cow over it! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Now that would be a sweet trick, Edge! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Yeah it would! [ Pump their fists in celebration. ] .:.:[ Suddenly... ]:.:. .:.:[ Someone in the Crowd ]:.:. White American wrestlers! .:.:[ The trio looks up, wondering who said that. Edge and Christian know doubt know they were called American wrestlers, and quickly grow upset behind it, as Kurt just looks for who said it. Suddenly, a small Japanese man in a suit pops out of the crowd. He looks like a business man. ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, did you just call me a White American wrestler? Dude, white I am NOT! .:.:[ Edge looks at Christian as if he's just farted in church, while Kurt looks at him like he's out of his mind... ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, dude, you're totally white! [ Shakes his head. ] What my brother meant to say was we are soo NOT Americans! Dude, calling us American's is the EXACT same as totally mistaking us for being guys like Robbie Van Winkle or Mr. 'Soo totally NOT' Perfect! .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. Wait a sec- .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Kurt's totally the exception. [ Kurt nods his head in approval. ] .:.:[ Little Japanese Man ]:.:. Ah, you say Mr. Perfect? .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. No Little Japanese Dude, he said Mr. 'Soo totally NOT' Perfect! BIG difference! .:.:[ Little Japanese Man ]:.:. Ah, ha, I am big fan of Mr. Perfect's work! He remind me of childhood cartoon character. Ha, ha, ha! .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. What's this guy babbling about?! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Dude, he's talking about cartoons! Go on, Lee Wong Shu. .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. [ Laughs. ] Lee Wong Shu! Ha, dude, it totally sounds like 'The Wrong Shoe'! .:.:[ Little Japanese Man ]:.:. Ha, ha, ha! The Wong Shoe! Funny! But as I said, Mr. Perfect remind me of childhood cartoon character. The pig! The pig! Blee- Blee- That all FOLKS! .:.:[ Kurt remains confused as Edge and Christian laugh hysterically... ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, he's talking about Porky The Pig! The totally sweetastic Looney Tunes cartoon character that totally reeked of high octane coolocity! Edge, Porky The Pig is like totally a LEGEND! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Dude, hold the phone. [ Pulls out the magazine and shows the guy Perfect's picture. ] You mean THIS guy? .:.:[ Little Japanese Man ]:.:. Yes, yes! Look, I have picture too! Of all time favorite cartoon character, Mr. Perfect! .:.:[ Edge holds the picture on the magazine together with the Little Japanese Dudes' Porky The Pig Picture... ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. That ROCKS! Dude, he totally looks like Porky The Pig! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. It should soo NOT be Mr. Perfect, Edge. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, totally, Christian. For now on, we, the awesome duo of New Era Wrestling, totally deem Mr. 'Soo NOT' Perfect, Mr. PORKY! .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. [ Laughing hysterically. ] Mr. Porky! [ Laughs more. ] That's just hilarious! [ Laughing so much he's almost crying. ] .:.:[ Edge and Christian just look at him, shaking their heads. ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, it's soo not THAT funny. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian, but let me tell you what IS totally funny! [ Notices the Japanese guy. ] Oh, you can go now, Lee Wong Shu. [ The Japanese guy begins to walk away. ] Oh, and dude, thanks for the entertainment! I mean, it's totally weird that you carry a picture of Porky The Pig around, but dude, other than that, you totally reek of high octane coolocity! .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. [ Still laughing. ] Mr. Porky! That's just too good! .:.:[ Edge and Christian once again shake their heads, as they begin to walk back to the area where plane tickets can be purchased. Kurt simply follows them, still laughing. ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Anyway, my illustrious brother, what IS funny- Far more funnier than 'Mr. Porky', duck-billed platypuses, and dude, even Bozo 'The Clown'! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Whoa, Edge, this had better be 'laugh my ass off' funny, because saying it's funnier than Bozo 'The Clown', is totally a bold statement! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Oh, dude, it's totally funnier than even the great Bozo 'The Clown'. Here it is... Robbie Van Winkle and Mr. Porky are totally under the assumption that they actually have a shot at winning this totally wicked Three Way Dance for a shot at the World Title. You know, that would soo NOT be a problem if I, Edge 'The Awesome', wasn't the third dude in this match. I mean, had the third guy in the match been someone like, oh, The Rookie Reekazoid Randy Orton, or, oh, The Rock alias Mr. Brauma Bull... CRAP, then yeah, they'd totally have a reason to be VERY confident about their chances at winning. But dude, that's soo NOT the case. We totally can sit here and say 'what if this', and 'what if that', until the cows come home! .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. Hey, what is it with you and cows, anyway? .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, shut UP! His Awesomeness is speaking... Besides, cows totally RULE! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Yeah they do! .:.:[ Edge and Christian execute an incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then pump their fists in celebration. Kurt simply sighs and shakes his head. ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. We totally can sit here and say 'what if this', and 'what if that', but you soo canNOT change fate. And dudes, Robbie Van Winkle and Mr. Porky are totally dealt a bad hand in the game of life, because come Sunday, no matter how much they say they're going to win, or for the totally pathetic and desperate Robbie Van Winkle, it soo does NOT matter how much he prays for a win, The Innovator of Awesomeness is totally walking away with the victory, a World Title Shot, and total scorchcakes on both arms, because Christian, Kurt... Chicks totally a dig a winner! .:.:[ Edge pumps his fist, while Christian smiles. The trio reaches the desk where plane tickets are purchased. Kurt now says... ]:.:. .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. And an Olympic Gold Medalists! .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, when was the last time YOU had a chick?! .:.:[ 'Our Olympic Hero' Kurt Angle ]:.:. Uh, I- .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Kurt-ster, you can totally save it. [ Christian has a mischievous look in his eyes. ] Edge, before we get those tickets, I soo have to do something. I mean, dude, when's the next time we'll be in JAPAN?! .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Clueless. ] Christian? .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, just watch. [ Christian now yells and points. ] LOOK, IT'S GODZILLA! .:.:[ Many of the Japanese people within hearing distance, turn and look at Christian with a look of disgust. Edge and Kurt are laughing, as a Japanese guy walks walks up to Christian, without Christian even knowing. He then punches him the in jaw, sending him to the floor, and walks away. Christian, lying on the floor says... ]:.:. .:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. What's his damage? It was only a joke! .:.:[ The scene fades there... ]:.:.
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