- Disclaimer - Following is a roleplay written by the guy they call Kyle, and the same goes for the layout. If you should choose to read the following roleplay, beware that you may find extreme language, adult situations, crude humor, or anything you would find in your regular 'R' Rated Film. If you feel you can handle such themes, then please, by my guest and enjoy the roleplay, which is not associated with any wrestling organization. This roleplay is only made for fun and entertainment purposes.


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- Achievements -

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- People Mentioned -

Venis, Orton, face it, we're totally BETTER!

1st NEW Tag Team Champion;
Roleplayer of the Week (x2);
Top Ten: #1 Ranking


Val Venis; Randy Orton;
The Million Dollar Corporation

- Next Match -

Edge + Lance Storm vs. Randy Orton + Val Venis



Totally Bringing The Era of Awesomeness to
New Era Wrestling!

.:.:[ The scene opens in the lobby of a large office building. Business is being conducted as usual in this building, as the awesome duo of Edge and Christian walk through the entrance. Both are wearing their trademark glasses just over their eyes on their forehead, in casual clothing, as they smile in an enthusiastic manner. Christian raises his voice, about to do his usual introduction to any public place... ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Greetings reeking Americans of... [ Everyone's attention has been drawn to the duo. ] Uh, Edge, I'm soo NOT in the mood.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Mon frère, I totally understand.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. [ Turns his attention back to everyone. ] Nevermind! Besides, there's like totally NO reason to introduce we who reek of awesomeness to magnitutions that are totally immeasurable, Edge & Christian!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Rock on, Little Bro!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian execute an incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then pump their fists in celebration. Now the duo begins to walk to a destination in this building that's currently unknown. As they do, they make for some very interesting conversation. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, I've been thinking.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. About?

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Ted Dweebazoid the mystery behind just how he totally became a millionaire. I mean, Edge, whatever he did, I'm sure it totally reeks of felonauisity to the highest power!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. And, dude, have you come up with anything?

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Totally, Edge. Get this... What would you say if I told you that Ted was... Totally a PIMP!

.:.:[ Edge ponders. Then looks as if he's enlightened. Christian smiles, knowing he and his brother are on the same page. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, I totally think you're on to something. For one, Ted Dweebzoid wears a sparkling loud green jacket. I mean, either he's a pimp, or he's totally a switch hitting reekazoid. Two, Teddy is totally more consumed by money than even Donald Trump! And three [ Edge smiles. ], he's totally the leader of a stable of BITCHES!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, and the one that brings in the most money is The Big Val-Reekazoid himself.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian! After all, he's a former porn star. Val is soo totally NOT a stranger to the art of Male Whoring! Christian, this all totally adds up. The Million Dollar MAN is totally the Million Dollar PIMP!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, this soo proves we're totally better than the Hardyz, emphasis on the 'Z', in more ways than ONE! Edge, for now on, when someone thinks of mystery solving, they'll soo NOT think of the Hardy Boyz, but the kick ass awesome reeking duo of Edge & Christian!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian execute an incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then pump their fists in celebration. The duo reaches the elevator. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. What a totally sucktacular way to make a buck, Christian.

.:.:[ Edge presses the 'Up' button on the elevator as he continues to speak. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Totally, Edge.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. And that's why I'm soo TOTALLY glad we're in the business of making money the old fashion way. Oh, and Christian, you SOO know what that is...

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Oh, totally, Edge-ster!

.:.:[ The elevator doors swing open, and in step Edge and Christian. They turn back around to the camera and say. ]:.:.

.:.:[  Edge & Christian ]:.:. ENDORSEMENTS!

.:.:[ The elevator doors close as the duo says this, holding their thumbs up with huge smiles on their faces. Inside the elevator, between Edge and Christian stands a little boy of about nine years old. He looks up at Edge and Christian as if he has a problem with them. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Hey, what's up little dude?

.:.:[ Little Dude ]:.:. None of your business, Edge!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Oh, so you know who I am. [ Laughs. ] Sh-Yeah, as if there was any doubt. Tell me little dude, what's with totally heinous attitude?

.:.:[ Little Dude ]:.:. I'm all about the MDC! Edge, you're just a little boy. Val Venis is the MAN!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. [ Christian sighs. ] Seems our total joke of a World Champion is poisoning America's youth, Edge.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Dude, when you're born in American, you're totally poisoned! [ Edge looks down at the kid. ] Well Little Dude, I can agree with you partially. You may totally be right about me being a boy. But Venis a man? Sh-Yeah, as if! I mean, if I'm a boy, Venis is totally a BITCH! 

.:.:[ The elevator doors re-open with Edge and Christian holding the boy off the ground by his underwear. We're talking a major weggie here. The kid is squirming and grunting as Christian and Edge carrying him bay his underwear. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Little dude, we soo would NOT reek of high octane coolocity if we didn't totally make you pay for having the audacity of being a Val Venis fan. I mean, dude, that totally reeks of heinocity!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Totally, Edge!

.:.:[ Little Dude ]:.:. [ Grunts. ] I can't wait until ShowTime when the Val kicks your ass!

 .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Sighs and rolls his eyes. ] Little dude, I'm soo totally tired hearing about Val Venis. Val Venis this, Val Venis that... Dude, Val Venis totally SUCKS! I soo hear The Big Val-Reekazoid totally pissed about what I said. 

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, and totally crying about it to 'The MDC Hussinator', Stacy.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Edge laughs. ] Looks like someone has a hard time handling the truth! Val totally wants me to prove it to him in the ring that he's soo NOT good enough to be a champion. Little dude, he can TOTALLY consider it DONE! I mean, dude, here's the bottomline, whether Val wants to admit or wants to totally deny it, I AM soo totally the Innovator of Awesomeness! And I think we ALL know what that means. [ Pauses. ] That I'm totally second to NONE!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian with the kid in their grasps, walk up on a large pair of doors. They forget about what they were just talking about, and turn to each other. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, it's totally time!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Game face! Game face!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian both put on totally hideous facial expressions. They then push the two doors open, and enter a room full of corporate executives, seated at a large table. A rather overweight executive reacts first. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Fat Executive ]:.:. What the HELL?!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Pipe down, Fatty Malloy, we who reek of the utmost awesomeness have totally arrived!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, and you can totally consider this your lucky day, because we're totally here to represent YOUR product!

.:.:[ Another executive speaks up. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Another Executive ]:.:. Who the hell are you?!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Dude, there's like NO secret that you soo have NO LIFE!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Because there's no question, you're T Double 'L'. Totally Lacking a Life that is!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian. I mean, after all, we're the most fightingest tag team champions in the history of wrestling, and more importantly, we're the very FIRST NEW Tag Team Champions!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, no way, the FIRST?!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Dude, I kid you not, the FIRST! [ Edge and Christian smile and nod approvingly. ] And we're also officially, and of course, TOTALLY, RE-ushering in the Era of Awesomeness across the nation! And, if you take advantage of our totally reeking awesomeness, you too can enjoy the kick ass Era of Awesomeness, because your product would soo totally instantly be the hottest thing since Power Rangers!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, and we know the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers totally ROCKED!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Yeah they did!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian execute an incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, but damn, no fist pumping because of the snot nosed little brat. Now, a female executive speaks up. I think she's the boss, but hey, I've been wrong before. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Boss' Executive ]:.:. Fine gentlemen, you've explained who you are... Tell me, though, why are you holding a kid off the ground by his underwear?

.:.:[ Edge and Christian look down at the kid, then shrug their shoulders. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Well- [ Interrupted. ]

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. I'll take this one, Little Bro. [ Looks to the executives. ] There's totally TWO, count them [ Christian holds up two fingers. ] TWO reasons why we're totally given this little snot nosed reekazoid a totally B-R-utal atomic weggy. Reason the first, this little reeking brat is totally a fan of The Big Val-Reekazoid. Dude, not only is it soo NOT normal for a kid of his age to be a fan of a former porn star, but my awesome reeking associate, slash, brother, and I totally, well, let's be honest here, soo canNOT stand this dorkus molorkus Val Venis! Oh, and wait a second! [ Edge looks shocked. ]

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, what is it?!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, I think we totally have a BONUS reason as to why we're holding this little reekazoid up by his craptacular, and I do mean, craptacular underwear. [ Looks down at the kid. ] Little dude, toilet paper was totally invented for a reason. Anyway, the bonus reason is that this Little Dude had the audacity to wish harm to I, Edge 'The Awesome' at the hands of Val Venis and The Rookie Reekazoid Randy Orton. That's soo NOT gonna happen, but comments like that can soo NOT go unpunished. So, my illustrious brother, would you do the honors?

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. With pleasure, Edge.

.:.:[ Christian takes the kid himself, and dumps him head first in a large trash can near the entrance doors to the room. The kid begins to cry and whimper as the executives look on, quite surprised. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Fat Executive ]:.:. So, let me get this straight. You two stoners want to represent our product, Right Guard? This is ridiculous!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. No Fatty Malloy, what's ridiculous are the numbers on the scale when you stand on it! What we're doing totally reeks of high octane coolocity. There's totally a difference.

.:.:[ 'The Boss' Executive ]:.:. What it that you do, Edge and Christian?

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Rolls his eyes. ] Lady, we're wrestlers!

.:.:[  Edge & Christian ]:.:. DUH!

.:.:[ 'The Boss' Executive ]:.:. [ Humored. ] Alright then, tell me why you two should represent Right Guard.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Laughs. ] How about a challenge, lady. First of all, wouldn't it totally rock if the guy who sponsored your product was totally curb stomping reekazoids like, oh, let's say Randy Orton and Val Venis on ShowTime? [ Edge smiles. ] It soo totally WOULD! Well guess what, that's EXACTLY what I'll be doing on ShowTime. Totally annihilating any chunk toid that dares to step in The Innovator of Awesomeness' way!

.:.:[ 'The Boss' Executive ]:.:. [ Humored. ] Cute, but, I need a little more than that.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Fine, fine... I can soo do better than that. My awesome reeking brother and I totally reek of awesomeness to magnitutions that can soo NOT be charted! Get this, while everybody else reeks of smells that are totally B-R-utal, we reek of awesomeness. We're soo totally perfect for this job, lady. Then there's the totally FAT raise El Commission-aire The Hey Man gave us. He's a man of totally flawless judgment, so if he thinks we rock, then rest assured, we totally DO! Plus, chicks totally dig us! That's like THREE reasons why we're totally perfect for this job!

.:.:[ 'The Boss' Executive ]:.:. [ Annoyed. ] Hmm... Let me think about it. NO.

 .:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. That's totally cool, lady, but I think SOMEONE needs to keep in mind that the two dudes who reek of awesomeness are totally doing Right Guard a favor! Anyway, last, but certainly not least, we already have a slogan! [ Turns to Christian. ] Christian, like, let's hear it!

.:.:[ Christian nods, as Edge pulls out a kazoo. He gives one long note to cue his brother. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Right Guard totally kicks ASS! It's like soo efficient, that the only thing you'll reek of, is Awesomeness!

.:.:[ The executives turn away from Edge and Christian and speak quietly among themselves about Edge and Christian's offer. Edge and Christian look very optimistic. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, I think we're totally the next spokespersons for Right Guard Sport Stick! That totally rocks!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, was there EVER any doubt? I mean, dude, first we're totally named the official Right Guard spokespersons, and right after that, The Edge-ster straps on his boots, and totally curb stomps the Million Dollar Chumps, 'Triple R' Orton and The Big Val-Reekazoid Val Venis!

.:.:[ The executives break up their little private meeting. The boss turns to the duo, with a smile, and says... ]:.:.

:.:[ 'The Boss' Executive ]:.:. Edge, Christian, we've thought hard about your proposition, and hears our response. [ Pauses. ] We've called security, and you have exactly three minutes to exit this building or you'll be arrested. Bye bye, now.

.:.:[ Edge and Christian's jaws drop in shock. Now, that shock is replaced by a look of anger... ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Lady, you've soo lost the best thing that's EVER happened to you! Edge, let's make like a bananna and totally split. I think it's totally obvious these dweebazoids soo do NOT know a good thing when they see it...

.:.:[ The duo reluctantly exits the room. Edge leaves us with the following... ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Shrugs his shoulders. ] So what if we're not the spokespersons for Right Guard. I soo did NOT want to do it anyway! Just as long as come ShowTime, Storm and I totally annihilate Venis and Orton, I'm most totally a happy man! And Christian, it's he who reeks of the utmost awesomeness along with he who wields that kick ass maneuver the Canadian Maple Leaf, so I totally think that means we'll definitely be MTV! [ Pauses. ] Most Totally Victorious!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian execute an incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, and pump their fists in celebration as the scene fades. ]:.:.