- Disclaimer - Following is a roleplay written by the guy they call Kyle, and the same goes for the layout. If you should choose to read the following roleplay, beware that you may find extreme language, adult situations, crude humor, or anything you would find in your regular 'R' Rated Film. If you feel you can handle such themes, then please, by my guest and enjoy the roleplay, which is not associated with any wrestling organization. This roleplay is only made for fun and entertainment purposes.


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- People Mentioned -

Dude Lard, you're soo LAME!

1st NEW Tag Team Champion; Superstar of the Week


Dude Love

- Next Match -

Edge vs. Dude Love



Totally Bringing The Era of Awesomeness to
New Era Wrestling!

.:.:[ The scene opens in a movie theater on the set of the nationally televised movie critic show 'Ebert & Roeper'. The scene zooms into the middle of a movie theater, where Richard Roeper sits along with his co-host. Roeper opens the show saying...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. ... And welcome to 'Ebert & Roeper'. I'm Richard Roeper, and, to my right, filling in for my absent co-host Roger Ebert, is New Era Wrestling Superstar, Edge. 

.:.:[ The camera backs away from Roeper, and now gets both Edge and Roeper in it's view. Roeper turns to Edge and extends his hand, saying...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. Edge, thank you for joining us to-

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Save it, dude. That introduction totally SUCKED! [ Roeper retracts his hand. ] Apparently, you sir, have totally forgotten just how important, and might I add, totally AWESOME I am!

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. Edge, please. Calm-

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Dude, SHUT UP! Before we get to the flick butchering, I, Edge 'The Awesome', will get the introduction that I'm soo worthy to have. [ Edge clears his throat. ] To the totally craptacular viewing public of America, you need not stomach watching the totally sucktacular duo of Roger Ebert and Richard Roeper any longer, for he who reeks of awesomeness, Edge 'The Awesome', has totally arrived! 

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. There, are you happy?

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Happy I totally am NOT! I'm soo NOT done yet! [ Edge clears his throat, and looks at Roeper in disgust. ] Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted by this dweebus maximus to my immediate left, all of you Edge-heads out there, along with the rest of you reekazoids can sit back, relax, and totally enjoy entertainment that's soo NOT great, and soo NOT excellent, but totally, and I do mean TOTALLY, AWESOME! [ Edge pumps his fist in excitement. He turns to Roeper. ] Uh, now I'm done. Lets get this kick ass show on the road, Dorkster Malloy. 

.:.:[ The camera zooms in on Roeper, phasing Edge out of it's view... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. [ Shakes his head. ] Anyway, with that out of the way, we'll now move on to what all of you have tuned in to see, and that's our take on the recent new releases across the nation's theaters. We'll start with The Bourne Identity starring the Academy Award Winning Matt Damon. Edge, care to take over from here, please-? Edge?!

.:.:[ The camera backs away, and returns to the view of both Edge and Roeper in the picture. Edge has apparently forgotten he's on national television, or either that, he doesn't care, because much to the surprise of Roeper, Edge is playing with two action figures, and loving every minute of it. One is an action figure made in his likeness. The kick ass NEW Version of The Edge-ster. And the other is an old Mick Foley action figure. What, no Dude Love action figure? Edge has the Edge action figure kicking the Mick Foley action figures ass with no mercy. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. Edge, what are you doing?!

.:.:[ Edge rolls his eyes, and temporarily stops playing with the action figures to confront Richard Roeper... ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Dude, do you mind?! I'm in the middle of accurately describing my match with Dude Lard on Sunday, through the use of these two action figures. One action figure totally reeks of high octane coolocity, and for good reason. [ Edge smiles and gives two thumbs up. ] It's totally in MY likeness. The other, well, totally reeks of lame-ocity on a level totally unchartable! [ Edge shakes his head, and give two thumbs down. ] And again, for good reason. It's modeled after he who reeks of lame-ocity to extreme magnitutions, Mick Foley!

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. Wait, you said you had a match with Dude Love. What's with the Mick Foley action figure? [ Realizing he's just encouraged Edge, Roeper sighs. ] Ah, what am I doing?

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. There are two simple answers to that question, Double R. Number one, thanks my and my awesome reeking brother's detective work, we revealed the true identity of the totally sucktacular Dude Love! Get this, Mick Foley IS Dude Love! Yeah, I know, total shocker there. And then there's the second reason. There are NO Dude Love action figures! And dude, it totally makes sense. Dude Love SUCKS, so it's totally unprofitable to make an action figure in his likeness, because it'll only sit and collect dust on the shelves of toy stores across the nation.

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. So why is there an action figure of Mick Foley who's the SAME person?

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Annoyed. ] What, I'm like supposed to have the answer to every question, now, Double R? As in, Double Reekazoid, because you're totally reeking it up to the MAX!

.:.:[ Richard Roeper sighs and adjusts his glasses, as he says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. Well Edge, since you seemingly refuse to give your opinion on the movie we've just reviewed, perhaps you'd like to start us off on the next one.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. [ Edge smiles. ] Totally, Rueper!

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. Roeper!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Raper!

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. ROEPER!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Dude, it totally doesn't matter! Anyway, our next movie soo does NOT even reek of blockbusterocity. As a matter of fact, there's no other way to describe this sucktacular flick than totally Folariffic! Folariffic, as in totally in direct comparison to Mick Foley! And there's a perfectly good explanation for that. Dude Love is the star of the movie! [ Edge laughs. ] Now, let's do our math. Dude Love, the STAR?! Odds are, this movie totally sucks! And you know what, it DOES, and BIG TIME! Clip Rolling Gods, roll that craptacular Mick footage!

.:.:[ Clips of Dude Love's last segment are shown, complete with his conversation with the bouncer, to the homosexual young men he met on the dance floor, and finally, to when he was sitting by his lame and lonely self, with the little drink with an umbrella in it. After this, we return to both Edge and Roeper. Roeper looks totally shocked and panicked, while Edge simply smiles about to speak. Before he can, however, he's interrupted by Roeper. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. Wait! What is THIS?! That wasn't a movie! That was just some sixties reject wrestler mingling in some gay bar! How absurd! [ Roeper turns to Edge. ] Edge, was this your doing?

.:.:[ Edge begins to look at Roeper's forehead with a lot of concern. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Double R, dude, that looks totally heinous. I think you should totally get that checked. Does it hurt?

.:.:[ Edge raises a chair on the side of his body that's away from Roeper, as another chair rises from behind Roeper. Roeper doesn't notice any of this as he says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Richard Roeper ]:.:. What? Does what hurt?!

.:.:[ CLANK!!! CON-CHAIR-TO! Down goes Roeper, falling out of the seat, and from out of the picture, with a chair in one hand, steps in a totally excited Christian, who pulls up his Big Goofy Ass Sunglasses over his forehead, and laughs at what he and his brother have just done. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Ah, that's totally a shame. Thankfully, we have a totally ready, able, and awesome replacement for Richard Raper! Give it up for The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness, CHRISTIAN!

.:.:[ Christian drops the chair, and he and Edge execute an incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then pump their fists in celebration! The duo takes a seat... ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, this is totally sweetastic!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Now, I understand we were talking about he who totally reeks of heinocity to extreme magnitutions.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, you are soo right! As a matter of fact, we just ran the footage of Dude Love's latest escapades!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, that footage was totally B-R-UTAL! You probably lost half your audience by mentioning of Dude Lard alone! I mean, I'm sure half the viewing audience were like, "Dude, I totally sense some serious sucktual overtones happenin'", and they turned the channel with the quickness. Then, you lost the other half when you actually SHOWED the footage! The only saving grace to this usual craptacular reeking show is the departure of The Raper, and the arrival of The Awesome Reeker! For I totally ROCK THE HOUSE!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian execute ANOTHER incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then pump their fists in celebration! ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Well, Edge, I totally feel like we should take the risk of losing our audience, and totally address Foley's list of allegations, including his accusing us of doing the unthinkable by pulling a George Michael!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. You'd totally think that Dude Love accusing us of being a couple of switch hitting reekazoids would be total maxium burnage, but that's totally not the case. Reason number one [ Christian holds up one finger. ], it's MICK FOLEY! This is the SAME guy who likes to play dress up in all the colors of the rainbow. Not to mention, dude, when was the last time we've actually seen Dude Love-LESS with anyone from the opposite sex?

.:.:[ The Jeopardy theme plays, as the duo ponders. Once it's done completely, Christian says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. I soo canNOT remember. Dude, gone on!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. And then there's Reason The Second. [ Christian holds up two fingers. ] How ironic is it that WE were accused of switch hitting, when Dude GAY-Love was parading around in the middle of a gay club?!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Totally, ironic INDEED, Edge. Oh, and might I add, soo totally SAD! You know, judging by this, and his little threat to knock your teeth out, I'd say that Mick Foley may be a little jealous of you, Edge-ster.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian. And he'd soo NOT be the first. You see, when you reek of this much high octane coolocity, it's only natural that those who could only dream to be as cool, or as AWESOME as you, will come down with a bad case of Edgevy.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Dude, maybe Dude Lard a.k.a. Fatty McFat-Ass, should worry less about your sexual preference, and more about minimizing that totally bulbous ass of his!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, he can totally jump on the Jenny Craig program AFTER I totally curb stomp him to next week, and then when next week comes, curb stomp him back to the previous week. We're talking serious curb stomping here, far past 'Captain Dense' Mick Foley's comprehension. You see, totally time for Mick Foley, Dude Lard, Cactus Jackass, or whatever role he chooses to play come Sunday, to soo NOT occupy his totally miniscule brain with off beat dances, nightly trips to gay clubs, or whether or not I'm a switch hitting reekazoid. Dude Lard SOO needs to start thinking about Sunday, when I totally annihilate- No, scratch that. When I totally kick his bulbous and totally craptacular ASS without the mercy he cries for every time he thinks of he who reeks of awesomeness, I, Edge 'The Awesome'!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Totally, Edge!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian execute ANOTHER incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then pump their fists in celebration! Edge turns to the camera, as if addressing Mick personally. ]:.:.

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Mick, I want to you put down that cheeseburger and totally give me you full undivided attention. I think it's time you look in the mirror and remember a totally age old saying, that soo applies to you... Life is totally unfair, and Micky Boy, you're like totally living proof! You're a L-O-S-E-R, LOSER! Those ladies you talk about having, totally don't exist! You're pratically toothless! You're totally overweight, and dude, you're missing an ear! How freaky is that?!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Freaktitude to the MAX, Edge!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Mick, the long list of your imperfections soo do NOT end there! I mean, the only reason why ANYONE brought your book was in total hope that you'd DIE at the end! You're totally UNlikeable, and above all, you totally SUCK as a wrestler. Beating you won't even be fun, because those reekazoids in the audience won't even care! And you know I SOO like to totally put them in a state of pisstation by totally curb stomping every dweebazoid they cheer for in the NEW. [ Edge throws up his hands and sighs. ] Dude, I can't even embarrass you, because you're a total embarrassment to yourself. Mick, come ShowTime, I'm going to make it short, simple, and to the point, when I curb stomp your bulbous ass, and totally pin you for the 1, 2, 3, because dude, this match up is soo one sided in The Edge-ster's favor, it's totally not even comical.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Edge, let's make like a tree and totally leave, dude. The life and times of Mick Foley are totally depressing me. Less talk about LOSERS and more talk about WINNERS, or more specifically, less talk about Mick Foley and more talk about The Christianator and the Edge-u-cutor!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Christian, I'll totally do you one better. Let's take a trip to America's favorite corner store, the kick ass 7-11! They're selling totally bitchin' new Mountain Dew Surplee, and dude, get this, it's not green, and it's not even red.

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Well, make with the 4-11, Edge. What color is it?

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. It's BLUE!

.:.:[ 'The Absolute Reeker of Awesomeness' Christian ]:.:. Big Bro' this is proof that there is a God and the big man upstairs totally has TWO favorites in this sucktacular world! And you totally know who they are!

.:.:[ 'The Innovator of Awesomeness' Edge ]:.:. Edge & Christian, they who reek of awesomeness to extreme magnitutions!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian execute ANOTHER incredibly enthusiastic 'Edge & Christian' High-Five, then leave the camera's view as the scene fades with a final shot of an unconscious Richard Reoper. ]:.:.