- Disclaimer - Following is a roleplay written by the guy they call Kyle, and the same goes for the layout. If you should choose to read the following roleplay, beware that you may find extreme language, adult situations, crude humor, or anything you would find in your regular 'R' Rated Film. If you feel you can handle such themes, then please, by my guest and enjoy the roleplay, which is not associated with any wrestling organization. This roleplay is only made for fun and entertainment purposes.

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Dude, Where's My Car?!

7 - Time WWF Tag Team Champions


Kidman, Sanders

- Next Match -

Billy Kidman & Mike Sanders vs. Edge & Christian

Totally Bringing The Era of Awesomeness to New Era Wrestling!

.:.:[ The scene opens in so NOT beautiful town of Louisville, Kentucky, where we're taken inside a work out facility in the heart of the city. Here, we find Edge and Christian laying on their stomachs on a massage table, with towels draped over their backsides. They both look as if they're at peace, as Christian starts us off...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, now this is totally what I needed. [ Christian now mimicks Elmer Fudd, saying... ] A Wittle west, and wewax-sation. [ Christian stops. ]

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Dude, that was totally a kick ass impression of Elmer Fudd! Christian, Looney Tunes totally RULE!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Yeah they do!

.:.:[ And yes, Edge and Christian perfectly execute the 'Edge & Christian' insanely enthusiastic high-five. Christian continues...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. But Edge, we're in Loser-Ville, Kentucky. Dude, this place totally reeks of heinocity! Edge, there's totally no way NEW should have a wrestling event here! You see, just another B-R-utal management decision by those suit wearing hosebeasts of the NEW, namely, Mr. Paul Heyman!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. I'm totally in agreement with you Edge. First, the whole Mike Flanders versus The Shooting Dork main event on Sunday and now bringing the NEW to Loser-Ville. Christian, I totally don't even want to introduce the Era of Awesomeness to Loser-Ville. You know, I'd almost rather be in Mexico. 

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. I totally know how you feel, Edge. But I say we take out our frustrations on those two reekazoids, Flanders and 'Little Willy' by totally annihilating them on Sunday!

.:.:[ Now, a woman, who's name tag reads 'Betty Humpter', and who seems to work in the facility walks over to Edge and Christian with papers in her hand. She hands both Edge and Christian a paper. Christian and Edge look over the paper, until suddenly, Christian is struck with fright as he says...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Wait a second! This thing says I have AIDS, gonorrhea, hepatitis, herpes, scabies, and syphilis?! I come here to see if I caught rabies from that filthy reeking sewer rat, and I find out I have all of this?! No way!

.:.:[ In shock of what Christian says, Edge slips off the massage table, totally busting his ass. At least he had boxers on. Christian is about to flip out as the woman takes the paper out of his hand...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Betty Humpter ]:.:. Oh, I am so sorry. This isn't yours. These are Ms. Wilson's. I'm terribly sorry. Here are yours...

.:.:[ She hands Christian a different paper then walks away. Edge crawls back up on the table, and Christian lets out a sigh of relief saying...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge... That was heinous, dude. I've totally been going through a lot of stress lately. I mean, the whole Mexico thing, and now that- Wait, did Betty Humpter say that those results belonged to a Ms. Wilson?

.:.:[ As Edge and Christian continue to speak, in walks Ashton Kutcher, star  of the movie 'Dude, Where's My Car?' with a towel draped below the belt, so to speak. Edge and Christian continue to talk, as he takes his place on the table next to Edge. Ashton slides on his ear phones, pulls out a magazine from seemingly no where, and zones out. Edge looks over to his left where Ashton is laying, and says...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Christian, do you know who this is?! It's Ashton Kutcher!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, no way!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Way, Christian! Geez, I wonder if he ever found his car.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, that would totally reek of sucktitude if hasn't found his car yet. Dude, it's totally been a long time. You know what, you should totally ask him if he's found his car yet, Edge.

.:.:[ Edge taps Ashton on his shoulder. Ashton removes his earphones, and gives Edge his attention.  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Hey, Ashton, do you remember us?

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Um... Yeah, yeah, I remember you two. Who did you say you were again?

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. I didn't say, actually, Ashton. You totally said you remembered us... Ah, anyway, dude, did you ever find your car?

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Oh, I totally remember you two now. You're the guys I met when I made an appearance on the WWF. Yeah, I definitely remember you. [ Ashton now, just shaking his head. ]Oh, and yes, dudes, I totally found my car.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Wow, that's totally a relief, Ashley. I was just telling Edge that it would be B-R-utal if after all this time, you still haven't found your car. Dude, that would REEK!

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Uh, yeah, it would reek. [ Small laugh. ] But dude, my name isn't Ashley, it's Ashton!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. You know, I totally meant to ask you about your name, dude. I mean, Ashley, Ashton, either way, it's totally a girl's name. What's up with that?!

.:.:[ Ashton says nothing, as Christian and Edge wait for a response. Then, out of no where, he gives them their response. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Well... What kind of name is Edge, or Christian?! Dudes, you guys don't even have last names! What's up with that?!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian look at each other, totally put in their place after that comment by Ashton. Edge and Christian nod their heads, then Edge says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Dude, you make a very good point... 

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Yeah, Asston, we were totally out of line.

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Dude, you're not sorry at all. You just called me Asston! My name is Ashton!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude, just because you have a chick name, doesn't mean you have to totally act like one!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Yeah, Ashton, if you keep crying and whinnying like a 14 year old girl, you can so totally bet that this is the LAST time you'll ever hang out with we, Edge and Christian, who totally reek of high octane coolocity!

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Edge, did you forget, dude? I didn't ask to come and hang with you guys! I just came in here to relax and get a massage. You two dudes just happened to be in here. Why don't you two get your facts straight before you accuse me of whining or crying, like a 14 year old girl. Dude, that's not even cool. Geez...

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude... [ Christian shakes his head, disappointed. ] Had I know you were so lacking coolness of any kind... I totally would not have asked you to come hang with us.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, Ashton, you're a regular 'Party McPooper'.

.:.:[ Ashton grows quiet, feeling a little bad about all of this... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Guys, I'm totally sorry. I mean, so what if you think you guys asked me to hang out with you, and that you think, for reason unknown reason, that I'm hanging out with you right now. You guys are, well, cool. And I totally don't want you to think that I totally lack coolness, because that's far from the truth!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Well that's a relief, dude, because it was totally beginning to feel like we were hanging out with 'Little Willy' Kidman, and that's definitely lacking coolness.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Lacking coolness? Christian, being seen around with 'The Shooting Dork' would totally reek of sucktitude. I mean, that would totally ruin our reputation of totally reeking of awesomeness to infinite magnitutions! I mean, how can you reek of awesomeness, with a guy like 'Little Willy' hanging around, who totally reeks of heinocity! Awesomeness and heinocity are like oil and water, they totally do NOT mix!

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Wait, wait, wait a second. Who's 'Little Willy' Kidman?

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Oh, just some chump stain who epitomizes the term 'loser' to its every meaning. I mean, dude, he hasn't even won a match in NEW yet!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, and on Sunday, we're totally going to make sure that he remains winless for at least another week, when we totally annihilate that reekzoid!

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Here's another question, guys... Where did that guy get a name like 'Little Willy'?

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude, you need to totally take that up with that hussinator, Torrie, he runs around with.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. The thing is, Torrie's a total scorchcake, but dude, she's totally been around the block a few times.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. So in short, she's totally a skank ass HOE! And... She's totally the skank ass hoe of the MONTH! Edge, tell her what she's won!

.:.:[ The lights begin to flicker as if they were on a game show, as one of Tom Jones' greatest hits plays in the background. Edge gets off the bed, and stands with a cheezy smile, starring into the camera. ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Torrie Wilson! You and your chump stain of a boyfriend have both totally earned an official Edge and Christian CON-CHAIR-TO! You can totally redeem your prizes this Sunday, at ShowTime! Back to you Christian!

.:.:[ Everything returns to normal as Christian now takes over... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. You know what, I totally say we hit the streets right after this and totally terrorize the Loser-Ville, Kentucky public with some good ole' pranks! Who's with me?

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Dude, you can so totally count me in! Ashton?

.:.:[ Ashton sighs, then says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Sure... Why not?

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, this totally reeks of awesomeness! Ashlyn, you have totally just stepped into the Era of Awesomeness!

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Dude, my name is ASHTON!

.:.:[ Ashton gets up from his table and leaps over Edge to attack Christian. As a brawl ensues, the scene fades. The scene now reopens with Edge, Christian, and Ashton, all squatting behind a car, peering over it, spying on a house. Ashton is holding a brown bag, and Edge his holding a lighter. Yes, the ole' flaming crap in a bag gag! ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. This so reeks of awesomeness. There's nothing better in this world than totally participating in the terrorization of filthy reeking Loser-Ville, Kentuckians. Besides wrestling, it's totally what I was born to do.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian, but we must not be of greed. Our friend, Ashton here, needs to totally be initiated before he can continue to hang with the most fightingest tag team champions in the history of wrestling, Edge and Christian.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Totally, Edge, I wouldn't have it any other way!

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. So... All I have to do is take this bag of dog crap, set it on the porch, light it, then ring the door bell, and I'm totally qualified to hang with you guys? [ Ashton shakes his head, and mumbles to himself. ] My God, why am I doing this...

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Yeah, that's all you have to do, Ashton. So, here's the time to totally prove you're worthy. Are do you reek of awesomeness, or do you totally reek of craptitude?!

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. I totally reek of awesomeness!

.:.:[ Ashton glares at Christian, then grabs the lighter from Edge. He now advances on the house, as Christian says... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude, does this entire city reek of piss? This is totally freaking me out, Edge.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Yeah, well, I'm totally used to American city totally reeking to extreme heinosifications. What freaks me out is this dorkus molorkus, 'The Totally NOT Above Average' Mike Flanders. Dude, he's totally lame, and a TOTAL dork, but just because he beats 'Little Willy', he totally-

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude, did you just say he BEATS 'Little Willy'? Dude, that's HEINOUS!

.:.:[ Edge and Christian simply laugh, as Ashton reaches the porch. He's now looking around, hoping that he's not seen by anyone. Edge and Christian continue, seemingly forgetting that Ashton is performing the prank... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. But seriously, Christian, beating Kidman is so not something to brag about. Kidman totally SUCKS, so beating him totally doesn't prove that you're any good. Christian, let me tell you what's totally something worth bragging about... The fact that we're totally the most fightingest tag team champions in the history of wrestling, and that we're seven time WWF Tag Team Champions!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, get real, SEVEN TIMES?! No way!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Christian, I am so  totally BEING real! SEVEN TIMES!

.:.:[ Ashton advances on to the porch of the home. He sets down the bag, and begins to work with the lighter, trying to get it to work. Edge and Christian continue to talk... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. But you know, that chump stain, Mike Flanders had the audacity to say that we being seven time WWF Tag Team Champions totally doesn't matter. Dude, where does this guy get off? I mean, Edge, what has he done, not just in the WWF, but in ANY federation, including NEW?

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Christian, he's done absolutely, positively SQUAT in the wrestling business, which is why I totally disregard everything that arrogant reekazoid says.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Edge, I'm totally venturing into a state of steamitude over this. As far as I'm concerned, chump stains like Flanders should totally worship the very ground we walk on. I mean, dude, we're totally ushering in the bitchin' Era of Awesomeness. Edge, if there was no Era of Awesomness, they're totally be no New Era!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. I'm totally in agreement with you, Christian. But dude, let's totally put this topic to rest. I mean, we know that when Sunday rolls around, we're totally going to curb stomp those two freak-a-zoids!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Sh-Yeah, and Edge, the fact remains that on Sunday, we totally won't be SOL, because dude, I totally don't know what that means, but Flanders and 'The Shooting Dork' WILL totally be S... T... A... And you sooo know what that means!

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Totally, Christian. SO TOTALLY ANNIHILATED!

.:.:[ At this point, Ashton has gotten the lighter to work. He applies the flame to the bag, and it quickly catches on. Ashton jumps back, as Edge and Christian yell, 'Ring the door bell, and run!'. Ashton nods his head, and reaches for the door bell. As he does, however, a large man with a shot gun opens the door. Ashton totally pisses his pants, as he stumbles back in fright. Edge and Christian stand, and take off down the street. Ashton does the same, as a couple of shots from the shot gun ring through the peaceful Louisville, Kentucky night. Once far enough away from the house, the trio leans leans over, with their hands on their knees, huffing, totally out of breath... ]:.:.

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Dude, that was totally wicked...

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Yeah it was... But it totally ROCKED!

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Yeah it did!

.:.:[ And yes, Edge and Christian perfectly execute the 'Edge & Christian' insanely enthusiastic high-five. Ashton shakes his head, no standing with his hands on his hips, saying...  ]:.:.

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Wait a second... Didn't I park here?

.:.:[ Edge ]:.:. Yeah, Ashton, you parked right over- [ Edge finds himself pointing to nothing. ]

.:.:[ Christian ]:.:. Wait... You gotta be kidding me!

.:.:[ Ashton Kutcher ]:.:. Dude, WHERE'S MY CAR?!

.:.:[ Edge, Christian, and Ashton totally flipped, going back and forth about where they parked, where it could be, ah, damn, they just totally flip. The scene fades here...  ]:.:.